


home

by blacktreacle (starsandskies)



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Implied Niall Horan/Zayn Malik, Implied Zayn Malik/Liam Payne, M/M, POV Louis, Prostitute Harry, also not enough Liam but what can you do, but then there's also, hooker!AU, larry stylinson - Freeform, only brief elounor, sad!harry, so who knows really?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-17
Updated: 2014-04-17
Packaged: 2018-01-19 19:23:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 24,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1481158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starsandskies/pseuds/blacktreacle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis is unhappy and Harry's a mystery.</p><p>(Or the one where Harry is a hooker and seduces Louis but of course, he's a cliché and doesn't do love. Louis loves too much, probably, and just wants Harry to love him like he deserves. Many Pretty Woman references).</p>
            </blockquote>





	home

**Author's Note:**

> this took me four months to finish, no beta. first long fic ever and i'm pretty proud of it because it's finished and i cried about it. 
> 
> the sex in it is limited and terrible oh gosh.
> 
> but i made a playlist for this fic and can be found [ here ](http://8tracks.com/poutyhaz/home)

Louis, despite being a people-person, revelled in spending time alone. He could just _be_ without any snide comments and he didn’t have to hide behind a stupid grin whenever someone said something harsh to him. He was able to think for himself and just breathe which was why he found himself alone in his flat on a Sunday night, sitting on the couch and staring mindlessly at the television. The quiet hum served as a welcome distraction and allowed him to nurse the beer in his hand without thinking too much. Louis wasn’t a heavy drinker, not like Niall and Zayn, his two best friends from when he was seven, yet he liked the odd drink now and then. His two friends were right party-goers which explained why they were out on a Sunday. Poor Louis had university the next day and even though Zayn had work, he didn’t seem to care.

He whipped his head around to the door when three swift knocks caused him to startle and he scowled, standing up to answer it.

‘Quiet night in was all I wanted,’ was all he muttered before he yanked the door open.

‘Louis!’ came a too-shrill-for-a-quiet-night voice before he was attacked by a warm hug that smelled like violets and vanilla.

‘El,’ he smiled softly, enveloped in familiarity.

‘Why aren’t you coming out with us? Niall said you’re upset. What’s wrong?’ she asked, tilting her head to the side.

‘It’s been a long week, I’m exhausted,’ Louis answered, grabbing his girlfriend’s hand and leading her to the worn out sofa.

It had been a long week. His boss made him work an extra shift on Saturday and he had multiple essays and projects due that he’d left for the last minute. True Louis-style.

‘Do you want me to stay with you, babe?’ Eleanor laced her fingers through his as she furrowed her eyebrows in concern.

‘No, no, I’ll be alright. You go and enjoy yourself, petal. You could do with the night out, don’t want you getting grumpy later on. Besides, I’ve got the box set of _Game of Thrones_ to get through.’

‘Lou –’

‘I’ll be fine, El. Promise. I’ll be here when you get back.’ He gave her a chaste kiss before tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, smiling.

‘If you insist,’ she acquiesced. She didn’t look too worried about Louis as she jumped up and kissed him on the cheek. ‘I’ll not be long. Just a few hours.’

‘Relax, have fun!’

‘I’ll see you later, Lou. Love you!’ Eleanor called out from behind her before she shut the door and left Louis in peace once again.

It wasn’t that he didn’t love Eleanor, he did. They’d been together just shy of four years and it was fine, it was normal. But sometimes it could get boring and predictable. But it didn’t matter because Niall loved her and Zayn loved her and his mum loved her and so did his sisters.

He sat back with a sigh and turned the volume up, the theme tune of _Game of Thrones_ going on for way longer than it should, and began to dwell on how stagnant his life had become. Twenty-one year olds were supposed to be rowdy and horny and drunk; not stressed and bored and _miserable_. Where was the adventure that was promised? Alas, he paused the episode and switched the beer for tea, hovering next to the kettle, watching it boil. He groaned as it seemed to take ages and he fiddled with the glass jar filled halfway with sugar, screwing and unscrewing the lid. Across the counter were Eleanor’s things and on the drying rack was her favourite mug – cream with purple flowers snaking around the sides given to her by her mum – and he smiled fondly, grabbing his own and setting it down gently.

His phone blared out some crappy pop song out of its tinny speakers and he grumbled, jogging into the living room and reaching over the coffee table to retrieve it, not bothering with the caller ID.

‘Hello?’

‘Lou-eeee!’

‘Fucking hell, you already drunk? El _just_ left. You want to slow down, Nialler.’

‘I had a pre-drink drink, I’m not drunk. Just…’ Louis heard loud voices in the background and he rolled his eyes, glad he wasn’t with them. ‘You sure you don’t want to come out? El said you were feeling under the weather. You need company?’

‘I’m fine, Niall. Honest. Don’t fret, I’ll see you in the morning. Night.’ He put the phone down before his best friend could get a word in edgeways and glanced longingly at his untouched cup of tea.

He reached the kitchen in two strides, downed his drink (almost burning his entire mouth along with it but whatever, Louis had always been reckless) and grabbed his keys and jacket, leaving his flat swiftly with a frustrated mutter under his breath.

He left his phone underneath the cushion, hidden away so that he couldn’t be disturbed.

-

Louis shivered in the dark, pulling his jacket tighter around him, scowling throughout his walk. He honestly couldn’t recall the last time he’d been so fed up but there it was, festering inside him and tainting everything he fixed his eyes on. He walked down the street carefully, fully aware of the dangers lurking in darkened alleys.

He rounded a street corner and heard raised voices, disregarding it as a couple of drunks on a night out. Even so, he strained his ears to hear as he got closer and he raised his eyebrows.

‘Do it again, then.’

‘…fucking whore!’

He heard a sound that sounded too close to a fist coming into contact with a jaw and he widened his eyes, unsure of how to act. He definitely didn’t want to get involved, he could barely handle himself in a fight with his younger sisters when they fought with him _playfully_! He couldn’t call the police neither because he didn’t have his bloody phone nor could he show his face because the man could be six-foot-something and terrifying and he liked his face the way it was, thank you very much.

He heard movement and plastered himself against the wall as a huge man walked in the opposite direction, missing him completely, flexing his hand and disappearing into the shadows. He released the breath he hadn’t realised he’d been holding and peered into the alley, worrying on his bottom lip. On the floor was a body and Louis rushed over, alarm bells ringing, unsure as to whether or not the person was breathing or not.

‘Hey, come on. Hey,’ he repeated quickly, shaking the slumped boy by the shoulder. He felt sharp bones underneath the cotton of his thin t-shirt and frowned, even more adamant to get a response.

There was a soft groaning noise and a fleeting smile passed Louis’ lips. ‘Come on, love.’

The boy opened his eyes lazily and gazed at Louis in confusion, cocking his head to the side. Louis finally acknowledged the mop of curls on top of his head and he smiled gently. ‘Are you alright?’

‘Good,’ the boy slurred, reaching up to cradle his jaw.

‘You look like you need help, love. Do you have someone I can call for you?’

‘No. Phone’s at home,’ the boy managed to say, squeezing his eyes shut as he winced, his breathing coming out in harsh puffs.

‘Shit, okay,’ Louis muttered, running a hand through his hair. Of all the days to leave his phone at home, it had to be this one. ‘I think you need to go to A&E, mate. Where do you live?’

‘Round there,’ he pointed lackadaisically around the corner, slumping against the brick wall once more.

‘Shit, shit, shit,’ Louis cursed, tapping the boy’s face gently. ‘I need you to stay awake for me, alright? What’s your name?’

After a pause, ‘Styles. Harry.’

‘Okay, Harry, I’m going to be right back, I need you to wait right here for me.’ He took his jacket off and wrapped it around the younger boy who was shivering considerably. ‘I’m just going to get my phone and I’ll get you some help, alright? I won’t be long, love.’

Louis all but sprinted as quickly as he could back to his flat and he scrambled for his keys before letting himself in and overturning all the cushions in search of his godforsaken mobile. He grabbed it hastily and ran back down the stairs, locking the door behind him and not bothering with the lift. He tried to catch his breath as he made his way back to _Styles. Harry_ and he approached the alleyway he’d seen him in. He rounded the corner but stopped dead in his tracks.

Harry was nowhere to be found.

*

It didn’t take Louis long to go back to his flat but when he did, he muttered something about ‘ungrateful teenagers’ before looking at his front door, turning the corners of his mouth down. The boy had been really hurt, almost to the point of collapse, and he was there when it happened which made him partly responsible because he didn’t do anything to stop it. He felt terrible but he had no idea who Harry was, didn’t know where he lived and ‘round there’ was hardly a definitive answer. Louis groaned and fleetingly wondered why these sorts of things happened to him and not to someone like Niall or Zayn or Eleanor. It was because he was weak, it had to be. He couldn’t resist damsels in distress, especially not ones that looked like Harry. He hadn’t looked at the boy properly but he noticed enough about him to know that he was gorgeous, even if he was a little on the thin side.

With that thought, Louis traipsed back outside in hopes that he’d find Harry and be able to _help_ him like he’d planned on doing before the fucker left. Okay, he wasn’t a fucker but nevertheless, Louis had better things to do than be out in the cold searching for a boy he’d never even met before. He could have been making heart eyes at Daenerys Targaryen but whatever, he wasn’t in the mood to moan about it.

He looked back in the alleyway where he was originally (just in case) but turned away quickly, taking a few more steps down the street. Everything looked so hideously…bare. Dark shadows made it look like a scene out of a horror film and Louis immediately regretted coming out alone. It was past midnight and he was scared even if he had walked this street many times to go to university, he’d never done it in the dark while looking around without fruition. He exhaled slowly and continued to walk until he got to the end of the street.

Who was he kidding? The boy would have gone home by now as there was no way that he was still outside. It was too cold to be nursing any wounds he had.

With that, Louis gave up and made a promise to himself that he’d not leave his flat no matter how guilty he felt. It simply wasn’t his fight.

-

Louis’ head hit the pillow and sleep came almost instantaneously. Almost.

His phone rang for the second time that night and he rolled over, trying to ignore it. But of course, the person on the other end was being ridiculously persistent so he picked it up, grunting a ‘hello’ into it.

‘Hi, Lou. Just letting you know that I’m on my way home now. I hope you had a quiet evening,’ Eleanor spoke.

Louis laughed dryly, ‘it was quite uneventful. I’ll see you later, then.’

He would have waited up for her if he hadn’t almost frozen to death twice outside. He closed his eyes and definitely did not dream about sharp bones and curly hair.

*

‘What did you end up doing last night?’

‘I fell asleep, actually. A little while after you left,’ Louis said around the rim of his mug. He wasn’t lying entirely. He did sleep. Eventually.

Eleanor didn’t say anything for a while after that, cutting up her pancakes in a stale silence that Louis didn’t quite understand.

‘What did you get up to last night, then? Niall and Zayn enjoy themselves?’

She looked up at him and smiled, hesitating before answering. ‘Oh…yeah, they did. And I was their ride home so I didn’t drink that much.’

‘Nice to see you being so responsible,’ Louis mused, setting his mug down. ‘I better be off, they won’t like it if I’m late. I’ll see you later.’

He pecked her on the cheek before reaching the coat rack to grab his jacket only to pause in mid-air, pursing his lips.

 _Harry_.

He sighed and left the house without it, praying that the heating was switched on in the university today.

He walked down the familiar street to get to the bus stop, glad it was lighter now, and hummed to himself, pausing as he got to the alleyway. He thought about it and he came to the conclusion that the boy wasn’t going to be there but he may as well look just in case. He stopped and turned his head, expecting to find the space empty.

‘Oh.’

Louis raised his eyebrows and gazed at the boy kneeling down on the floor, his eyes trained on the ground like he was looking for something.

‘Hi,’ Louis piped up, his stomach knotting at the sight. Not that he had anything to be nervous about, of course.

‘I –’

Louis walked forward and smiled softly, ‘are you alright? You gave me a fright last night, running off like that.’

‘Yeah, sorry,’ Harry mumbled, not looking up.

‘I’m Louis.’

The younger boy locked eyes with him and he tilted his head, nodding slightly. Louis noticed a large purple bruise around Harry’s right eye and he frowned, looking at the other minor injuries on his face he hadn’t seen last night in the dark.

‘Are you okay?’

Harry’s gaze hardened. ‘M’fine. What do you want?’

‘Oh, I…’ Louis was taken aback but he shook his head, ‘nothing, I just saw you here. Wanting to check if you were okay. Won’t bother next time.’

‘Look, _Louis_ ,’ Harry stood up and folded his arms over his chest. He was only slightly taller than Louis and it was the first time he noticed just how green his eyes were. ‘Thank you for trying to help me but I didn’t need it, I know how to take care of myself.’

‘Never said you didn’t,’ Louis replied testily.

Harry ignored him, ‘your jacket’s back at my place, okay? You can have it once I’m done here.’

‘What exactly are you doing?’

‘I dropped something last night. A silver bracelet. I need it,’ Harry answered, looking at the ground determinedly.

‘Well, where did you last see it?’ Louis questioned, _trying_ to be helpful.

Harry stared at him. ‘On my wrist.’

‘Alright,’ he muttered. He looked around on the floor before glancing back up at Harry who looked utterly distraught. ‘You’ll find it, love.’

‘No, you don’t understand, it’s all I –’ Harry panicked, hesitating, ‘I need to find it.’

Louis glanced at his watch and bit his bottom lip in worry, realising that he only had an hour to get to university yet waiting for the bus would take a third of that time not to mention the traffic jams. Okay, he really didn’t want to go in today.

‘I’ll help you look for it, Harry,’ he promised, offering the younger boy a small smile.

Harry nodded briefly, his eyes laced with confusion before taking the far end of the alley while Louis took the rest. He didn’t get on his hands and knees like the other boy but he bent down to get a good luck before moving on to the other side when he didn’t find anything.

Harry was becoming more and more agitated by the look of things as Louis heard him mutter curses under his breath, making the older boy chuckle. He spotted something glinting in the corner next to the gutter and immediately reached for it, lifting it up to inspect it.

It was silver like Harry had said and thin, two grooves running through the bracelet, filled in with oxidised metal. Louis ran his fingers along it before noticing an engraving on the inside that simply read: ‘fly’.

‘Harry,’ he called out, getting up to his feet and dusting himself off. ‘I found it.’

The boy walked over to him and gave Louis the biggest smile he’d ever seen. Harry’s green eyes went wide and they actually _sparkled_ , making Louis almost blush at the intensity of his gaze.

‘Thank you,’ he spoke quietly, staring down at his bracelet. ‘I don’t know what I’d have done if I’d have lost this.’

‘Well, you’ve got it back now. So, no worries.’ Louis replied, smiling softly.

‘I owe you, _Louis_ ,’ Harry locked eyes with him, his gaze unwavering.

The way he said Louis’ name and the way he _looked at him_ made him feel naked, made him squirm and want to hide. ‘Th-that’s fine.’

‘Do you want your jacket? I mean, you look cold.’ Harry rushed out, trying to feign nonchalance yet failing miserably.

‘You look like you’re freezing your balls off, mate,’ Louis said, his eyes falling on the thin shirt Harry was wearing. It was different from last night and he had three buttons open, revealing some parts of his tattoos every time he moved.

‘Used to it,’ Harry shrugged. And there was something in that that tugged on Louis’ heart.

‘If you don’t mind, I probably should get it. Um –’

Harry turned on his heel, ‘it’s just down here.’

Louis followed him nervously and they walked for five minutes in silence, questions running through his mind at the speed of light. He didn’t voice them, though. Wasn’t his place.

‘Home sweet home,’ Harry muttered under his breath, opening the door and walking in first.

The flat was small and there were strewn clothes everywhere. The walls were a horrid green and there was a small sofa situated in the middle of the room which looked comfortable and homely. Louis got the impression that Harry lived with someone else as it looked too lived in for only one person. Harry left him at the door and went into another room (his bedroom, Louis presumed) before walking back out, jacket in hand.

‘Here,’ he handed it to Louis who took it, their fingers brushing against each other. Louis noticed a few scrapes across Harry’s knuckles but said nothing. ‘It looks better on you, anyway.’

Louis gave a brief chuckle, ‘thank you.’

Both boys stood awkwardly before Louis cleared his throat, ‘um, I should go. Thanks for the, er, jacket.’

‘No problem,’ Harry replied, shuffling closer to Louis unintentionally. He had his hands in his pockets and seemed very guarded, almost as if the older boy was going to hurt him. He looked small.

Louis walked out of the flat and gave Harry a sideways glance, ‘take care of yourself. I don’t want to have to do this again.’

‘I’ll try,’ was all the boy said but Louis knew his words were more loaded than he let on.

Louis smiled and nodded, his chest constricting as he left, unsure as to what he was feeling. Well, he didn’t have to worry because it wasn’t like he was going to see Harry Styles again.

*

His best friend of god knows how long collapsed on the sofa with a sigh, propping his feet up in Louis’ lap.

‘I’m fucking shattered,’ Zayn yawned, closing his eyes and leaning back into the couch.

‘How’s the hangover?’ Louis asked, not an iota of sympathy in his voice.

‘Better, had no choice, did I? Still had to work.’

‘S’pose.’

‘Speaking of, how’s _school_?’

‘It’s not school, Zayn! It’s a hundred times more difficult and I’d rather be dead than go every single day but whatever. But hey, I could have been studying biology or something.’ Louis spoke.

‘Thank god it’s drama, then,’ Zayn mused. ‘Where’s Niall?’

‘Food run.’

‘El?’

‘Shopping.’

‘It’s past eight.’

Louis shrugged and Zayn eyed him curiously. ‘Did she tell you about last night?’

‘Not really, just said she drove you guys home. Why?’ Louis sat up straighter, his stomach twisting.

‘No reason,’ Zayn managed a smile and let the subject drop yet the older boy was less convinced but he followed suit and listened to Zayn talk about his day.

‘And then he had the nerve to yell at me for being late when _he_ was the one to send me out!’ he complained, throwing his hands up in despair. ‘Bloody temperamental mechanics.’

Niall came bustling through the door with take-out boxes in his hands while balancing a six-pack of beer.

‘Jesus Christ, did they not give you a bag?’ Louis laughed, pushing Zayn off him so he could help Niall with the food.

‘You won’t believe this but it broke right in the middle of the street. I just about rescued the biryanis!’

‘You’re terrible, Ni,’ Zayn shook his head, wiping the corners of his eyes. ‘I’m starving.’

All three boys piled their plates high with food before digging in, making sure to save a bit for Eleanor. They talked about their days as well as the girl Niall almost picked up from the club last night.

‘I think she got a better offer,’ the Irish boy spoke sadly.

‘Aw, it’s alright, Nialler. We still love you,’ Zayn patted him on the head sympathetically.

The conversation steered itself to everything Louis had missed while he was ‘staying in’. He noticed that the two other boys shared a brief look before rambling on about their exploits.

Louis put his fork down with a clatter, ‘alright, what was that?’

‘Don’t know what you’re talking about, mate,’ Niall shrugged.

‘I’m not stupid, guys. Tell me what’s up.’

‘Louis –’

‘Look, maybe it’s best if Eleanor talked to you about it.’

‘El? What does she have to do with anything?’ Louis asked.

‘Just talk to her, eh?’ Niall proposed, giving him a gentle smile.

Louis nodded and let the conversation drift away from him, only speaking when spoken to. He pushed his plate away from him, suddenly not very hungry anymore. Anticipation coiled in his stomach and he wasn’t looking forward to Eleanor coming home at all.

-

Niall and Zayn left shortly after the bombshell that they dropped, taking the beer with them. Louis patiently waited for his girlfriend so that he could get to the bottom of this because it wasn’t like his friends to keep secrets from him.

Eleanor came in and dropped her bags on the floor, hanging her coat up and shaking her hair free of rain.

‘It’s pissing it down out there.’

‘Hadn’t noticed,’ Louis replied, shrugging.

‘You alright?’

‘Yeah, yeah of course.’

‘Good,’ she kissed him and smiled, tasting of rain and strawberries.

‘El…’ Louis began, shuffling awkwardly next to the radiator. He wasn’t sure how to go about this.

‘Yeah? You’re acting really strange,’ she observed.

‘Niall and Zayn came round earlier. Saved you some tea.’

‘Did they?’ Eleanor busied herself with picking up her bags from the floor, her back turned to Louis.

‘Yeah, started talking about yesterday and all the things I’d missed,’ Louis continued, trying not to let suspicion seep into his voice.

‘You didn’t miss that much, it was er, uneventful, really.’

‘That’s not what they say.’

She turned around to him, her face white as a sheet. ‘Louis, I –’

‘They told me to talk to you so here I am, talking to you. What’s happened, love?’

‘Nothing, it was stupid and I didn’t mean for it to –’

‘Look at me,’ said Louis softly, cupping her cheek. She leant into his touch and closed her eyes, reopening them and settling on his bright blue eyes. ‘Just tell me.’

She sighed and stepped back, her face contorting with regret. ‘I was dancing with this guy and then he kissed me. And I kissed him back. Niall saw and if it wasn’t for him, I would have…gone home with him.’

Louis paled. ‘You were going to cheat on me.’

‘No, I –’

‘I’m going out. Don’t wait up,’ he snapped bitterly, slamming the door behind him.

Louis shoved his hands into his pockets and shivered as the wind whipped around him. He crossed the silent street to get to Niall’s and Zayn’s, needing to talk to them so that he could clear his mind. He’d left abruptly and in hindsight, that was probably the wrong thing to do but so was kissing someone else when you were already in a relationship.

Well, he told himself this. Deep down, that wasn’t what was bothering him.

He walked for ten minutes before he saw the familiar building he’d frequented far too many times to be healthy. He’d spent mornings and nights there, sometimes as a place to get away from everything so he could do his work in peace. He approached it and noticed a fancy car – too fancy to belong to anyone who lived in the flats – on the curb, its windows down and headlights off. Louis furrowed his eyebrows but didn’t investigate because he was wary of strangers at night.

Apart from curly haired boys.

Louis turned his head to glance at the car and had to do a double take as his eyes widened with confusion because clearly, someone had it in for him up there.

His eyes locked onto green ones and he stopped in his tracks.

The younger boy saw him but made no motion to move as he leant into the car, his feet planted firmly on the ground. He was wearing a thin shirt and black jeans, a cross dangling from his neck. He seemed to be smiling but Louis wasn’t so sure. After a few more seconds, the car drove off, leaving both boys to stare at each other.

‘Thanks a lot, mate!’ Harry yelled, closing the distance between them. ‘You just lost me half the rent.’

‘What?’ Louis question, at a complete loss.

‘I could’ve got fifty quid off him!’ he spoke again, his eyes laced with bitterness.

‘I don’t know what you mean…’

‘Forget it,’ Harry huffed. ‘Are you stalkin’ me or something?’

‘What, no! I’m here to see my mates, you just happened to be here,’ Louis defended. He looked Harry up and down and frowned, he must have been freezing.

‘That’s what they all say, babe,’ the younger boy said cheekily, a huge contrast from the way he was that morning.

‘Anyway, I –’

‘Do you want anything?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Blowjob, anal, mutual,’ he listed each one using his fingers, ‘I don’t kiss but I’m sure you know that. You can make up for the fare you just lost me.’

Louis’ cheeks reddened immediately, ‘I – you’re a –’

‘Whore?’ Harry offered with a grin.

‘No, I wasn’t going to –’

‘It’s fine,’ Harry said, not letting his smile falter. ‘Used to it.’

That was the second time he’d said that and it made Louis wonder what else he was used to. He said nothing and just stared at Harry in awe, unsure of what to do. He’d never seen a prostitute before and the other boy looked so normal, so…attractive.

‘I’m going to take it as a no, then.’

‘What?’

‘That you don’t want anything.’

‘Um, no. Don’t think so,’ Louis mumbled, feeling almost bad for turning him down. He watched him shiver and he sighed. ‘Look, you clearly don’t have a jacket. Just –’ he took his own off and handed it to Harry, ‘take this. Stop shivering.’

‘Louis, I –’

Louis held a hand up, ‘I don’t want any arguments. Besides, it looks good on you.’ Oh, had he really just said that? He was going to be kicking himself later.

‘Thank you,’ Harry mumbled, looking vulnerable for the first time that night. But he didn’t keep it up. He swapped his openness for a quip, instead. ‘I hope you don’t think this is Pretty Woman or anything. I’m no Julia Roberts. Far sexier.’

‘Of course not. I have to, um, go,’ Louis began, thinking about Eleanor for the first time since he saw Harry.

‘I’m sure we’ll see each other again,’ Harry winked, ‘goodnight, Louis.’

He stalked off and Louis watched Harry’s shoulders relax as he pulled the jacket around himself tighter, whistling a casual tune that reached Louis’ ear for a brief second before fading away.

He finally made it to Zayn’s and Niall’s flat that they shared, almost in a daze, and he knocked on the door before unlocking it, his gaze falling on the two of them cuddling on the sofa.

‘Oh, ew, get a room,’ he mocked, making a show of shielding his eyes.

‘Shut up, it’s cold,’ Zayn piped up, rolling his eyes.

‘That’s what blankets are for,’ Louis smirked, flopping down in between them.

‘Why are you over here?’ Niall yawned.

‘Nice to see you, too!’

‘No, I mean, did you talk to El?’

That made something sad flash across Louis’ face and he didn’t have the energy to hide it so he succumbed, letting his bravado drop.

‘I did. And she told me,’ he ran a hand down his face and sighed. ‘How could she do that to me? I thought we were, you know, solid,’ but as soon as he said that, he knew it was a lie. And he also knew that he’d forgive her for this. He already had, really.

‘I know, mate. But you guys are! You’re like forever or whatever, and she loves you. She got caught in the moment,’ Zayn defended her, looking at Louis knowingly.

‘I guess. Hey, can I stay here for the night? I’ll call her and tell her but I don’t fancy going back home right now.’

‘’Course, mate.’

Louis smiled gratefully and settled back onto the couch with his head in Niall’s lap and his feet in Zayn’s. 

He was glad he had friends like them because he didn’t know what he’d do if he didn’t. What he’d do if he was like Harry.

-

Louis left Niall’s and Zayn’s at four in the morning, leaving them a note saying thank you, before practically running back home because the cold was making him want to curl up inside himself.

He closed the door quietly and shucked off his shoes before going into the bedroom, his heart almost melting when he saw Eleanor sleeping with her head buried under the sheets. He got into bed beside her and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her close. He smoothed her hair away from her face and watched her eyes flutter open.

‘Lou,’ she croaked out, her voice rough with sleep.

‘Go to sleep, El. I’ll be here when you wake up.’

-

The sun was shining in a way it hadn’t been for a long time and it streamed in through the windows at ten o’clock in the morning. Louis watched his girlfriend wake up and he smiled because he did love her. He loved her.

‘I’m sorry for leaving last night,’ Louis murmured.

‘No, it’s-it’s fine. I shouldn’t have done what I…yeah.’

He looked at her and she didn’t look right; she looked tired and almost heartbroken and the thought made Louis regret staying over at the boys’ place, made him regret giving his jacket away although he wasn’t sure what Harry had to do with any of this.

‘Let’s get up, love. I’ve got uni in two hours.’

Eleanor nodded and didn’t say anything as she got up and headed into the bathroom, shutting the door with more force than necessary, making Louis sigh and run a hand through his hair. He decided that he was going into university today despite any hold-ups from curly haired boys.

He decided to make breakfast for Eleanor (well, actually a cup of coffee and a piece of toast) and he set it on the table as an apology, anticipation on his face as he heard her come out of their shared room.

‘Hi,’ Louis said quietly, a tense atmosphere hanging over them. He was the cloud and she was the rain.

‘Thanks,’ she mumbled, motioning to the coffee and toast. He briefly smiled and sat down, his heart in his mouth.

‘I think we need to talk. I mean, I don’t want you to think that I hate you or anything, it just took me by surprise because four years is a long time when you’re twenty one because we’re so different to how we were when we were seventeen so I think that’s why it’s such a shock and –’

‘You’re rambling, Lou,’ Eleanor laughed, watching the tips of her boyfriend’s ears redden.

‘Sorry,’ he muttered, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

‘No, don’t be. This is my fault and I’m the one that’s sorry. Things just got out of hand and I don’t know what I was thinking because I’ve got a good thing here.’

‘Yeah, you have,’ Louis replied, chewing on his bottom lip. A nervous habit.

‘And I don’t want to give this up. I’d be stupid to even think about doing that. So,’ Eleanor put her hand over his, ‘I’m sorry.’

He flashed her a glinting smile before leaning over to kiss her, ‘forgiven.’

And he was probably a fool to do so but he’d done worse things.

-

The day dragged on far too slowly for Louis’ liking and when he finally got home, it was dark. He collapsed onto the sofa, hating the fact that it was only Wednesday. He hadn’t seen Harry since Monday and he was certain that they’d not bump into each again but the other boy seemed to think the opposite for his voice held a promise when he said he’d see him again. Louis shrugged it off and pursed his lips, listening to Eleanor clatter around in the kitchen.

He had forgiven her, of course. He’d said he had, hadn’t he? It’s just that he kept wondering about what had really happened that night; what if Niall hadn’t been there? She’d have gone off with a nameless, faceless man and he would have made her happy, far happier than Louis could have made her at that time. Honestly, he was at a loss. He’d told her they were fine and she’d given him a heartfelt apology which he’d accepted and why did he do that?

Louis ran a hand down his face and grumbled something about being an idiot but he didn’t leave, didn’t storm out like he did last night. He just sat there and grit his teeth because what else could he have done? Confront her? Yell? Nothing would work. It wouldn’t change the fact that she was ready to sleep with someone other than Louis and she wasn’t even drunk.

She wasn’t even drunk.

‘Lou, how do I get the –’ Eleanor stopped and looked at Louis, rushing over to him and fretting, ‘Louis, what’s wrong?’

He had his head in his hands as he shrugged her off gently, exhaling to calm himself before he did something he regretted. He didn’t like watching her cry.

‘Nothing, I’m fine. Just tired.’

‘Okay,’ was all she said and he hated her a bit for that.

‘I should do some work. Don’t want to fall behind,’ Louis mumbled, standing up to grab his bag from where he’d dumped it earlier, trudging to the bedroom with a heavy heart.

He shut the door, shutting Eleanor out, and flipped through a few pages of his notes before ultimately, giving up. He wasn’t in the mood to work, he just needed a valid excuse. Thankfully, she didn’t disturb him but he wondered why she didn’t. If it was reversed, he would have done anything to regain her trust. But clearly, she didn’t care. She knew he’d be there for her like he had always been for the past four years.

Whenever she was in trouble, he was there. When her car broke down and it was pissing it down on the M4, he went to pick her up, paid to have her car towed, and drove her especially to her mum’s. But he didn’t mind because that was what you did for the people you loved. You didn’t almost sleep with someone else.

Louis picked his phone up and called Zayn who answered on the third ring.

‘’Ello?’

‘You know when I said that I was done thinking about it and that I knew it was a mistake and I forgave her?’

‘Yeah..?’

‘I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. I can’t stop thinking about it,’ Louis confessed, hearing Zayn sigh on the other end.

‘It’s alright, mate. Happens.’

‘No, it fucking doesn’t! What if she hadn’t seen Niall? What if she was there on her own, what then?’ he rushed out in hushed whispers, not wanting Eleanor to hear.

‘But he was! There’s no point in thinking about things that didn’t happen and listen, Lou, I don’t want to tell you what to do. Not my place, she’s not my girl. You need to decide: can you deal with this or not?’ Zayn answered wisely.

‘I don’t know,’ Louis sighed with his lower lip between his teeth.

‘Mate…’

‘I know, man up and deal with it,’ he chuckled humourlessly.

‘Actually, I was going to say good luck. I know it’s hard.’

‘Yeah. Hey, did I tell you I met an actual prostitute yesterday?’ Louis changed the subject swiftly to the first thing he could think of and it just so happened to be Harry.

‘No shit,’ Zayn laughed. ‘That’s not like you.’

‘Yeah, asked me if I wanted a blowjob. Don’t know how much it costs, though.’

‘Was she pretty?’

‘Yeah, he was.’

‘Oh, I see,’ Zayn said with a teasing tone, ‘didn’t know you had it in you.’

Louis laughed, ‘me neither.’

He hung up after a quick goodbye and collapsed onto his bed, staring up at the ceiling and rewinding back to Zayn’s words. He did have to decide if he could deal with it and right now, he felt like he could even though he knew that he wouldn’t be able to tomorrow.

But he couldn’t bring himself to care because he was thinking about silver bracelets and dark hair.

*

Weeks passed by and Louis felt like he was drowning. He was drowning and his head was just above the water but soon enough, he was going to float to the bottom lifelessly because everything was getting too much and he didn’t know how long he could pretend anymore. He was done with playing happy families; he was done acting like nothing had happened because to him, everything had gone downhill the minute Eleanor admitted what she did. Or didn’t do. It didn’t matter really, it was the same thing to Louis.

He was going to snap and it was going to be huge and he could feel it inside him, like an ocean current. Louis was afraid, though. He didn’t know how to exist without her, not because he was so hopelessly in love with her (he wasn’t) but because it hadn’t been anything but louisandeleanor for a long time. That was eight birthdays and four anniversaries and four Christmases and two mums that needed impressing.

She had been none the wiser and she didn’t realise that something was wrong. He didn’t blame her because he wanted to believe that everything was fine, too. But it wasn’t. Hadn’t been for a long time and it was scary how good Louis was at pretending. The anger inside him had been heavy and unsafe in the beginning but it had turned itself into a dull ache that drummed inside his head every time he woke up next to her and every time he fell asleep.

Louis was drowning in the ocean that was his life and no matter how hard he’d tried, Eleanor was never enough for him. She could never be enough.

*

It was a normal day for Louis and that ache was still present, making itself known in his chest and in his head and in his lungs, but he soldiered on because he was so tired. He was walking home from university, taking the same familiar roads he usually did, and it wouldn’t be so significant if he hadn’t bumped into someone taller than him, someone who seemed to be as lost as he did.

‘Watch where you’re going!’ the voice scolded before softening. ‘Oh, it’s you.’

Louis looked up and saw Harry who was still wearing his jacket. He looked gorgeous and Harry noticed him staring so he smirked as green met blue.

‘Hi,’ Louis spoke, giving a small wave. Harry was wearing ripped black jeans and black suede shoes and he looked nice. Everything about him seemed nice. Different.

‘Where are you off to in such a hurry?’ the other boy asked with a dazzling smile, all white and genuine.

‘Home,’ Louis said, shoving his hands in his pockets.

‘You don’t look too pleased to be going home,’ Harry pointed out, arching an eyebrow. His voice was rough, like he’d been doing things foreign to Louis.

‘Whatever,’ Louis grumbled, shrugging noncommittally.

‘Oh, come on, lighten up!’ Harry grinned, cheerier than ever so Louis plastered on a fake smile. ‘Excellent,’ the other boy mused.

‘It was nice seeing you again, I should –’

‘Don’t say it was nice seeing you and then walk off like you’re never going to see me again,’ Harry crossed his arms, ‘you look sad. You can’t be sad, that’s my speciality.’

‘I can be sad if I want. Besides, I thought your speciality was blowjobs at discount prices.’ And the words were out of Louis’ mouth before he could stop them and he widened his eyes in horror because had he really just said that? God, he was snapping at everyone lately.

Harry stared at Louis before laughter bubbled up inside him and he gave the filthiest laugh Louis had ever heard, his hand over his stomach as he almost doubled over. The older boy watched in shock as Harry wiped his eyes and exhaled, the laughter subsiding.

‘I’ll have you know that there is nothing discount about me. I’m the full package,’ he took a step closer to Louis and whispered, ‘I can show you if you like.’

It sent shivers up his spine and he stared at Harry because he was being propositioned by a prostitute. He was being propositioned by a prostitute.

Louis’ cheeks reddened, ‘oh, I –’

‘I can make you happy, Louis. Make you forget,’ Harry purred, looking down at Louis with big, green eyes.

Everything told Louis no; he had a girlfriend and a home and friends. He couldn’t sleep with someone like Harry, he couldn’t use him and then leave him.

‘Okay,’ but Louis had no idea what made him say it and he bit down on his tongue after he did. He was screwed, so screwed.

‘Lead the way, then,’ Harry straightened himself out, grinning.

‘Wait, Eleanor might be home,’ the other boy panicked.

‘Who’s Eleanor?’

‘Girlfriend,’ Louis groaned, ‘I can’t do this to her.’

Louis swore that he saw Harry’s face fall but he wasn’t sure because it was covered up by a smile, ‘my place, then.’

‘I – are you sure?’

But Harry had already started walking towards his flat, his hips swaying in a completely obscene way that made Louis’ face flush. He caught up with the younger boy and followed him, absentmindedly wondering if he had to pay him.

Soon enough, those thoughts disappeared from his mind because Harry was touching him. He had a hand on his arse and Louis didn’t know when they’d got inside his bedroom but they had and Harry was touching him, making his skin hot and tingly.

‘You sure you want this?’ Harry asked, his hand moving and resting on Louis’ arm, the other cupping Louis’ jaw.

Louis looked into Harry’s eyes, the green in them barely visible anymore, and then to his mouth, his lips red and full and –

‘Yeah,’ Louis breathed out, swallowing hard. ‘Yes.’

Harry smiled beautifully and tilted his head, ‘I’m going to kiss you now, okay?’

‘Thought you didn’t kiss?’ Louis teased.

His breath caught in his throat as Harry leant in, all his nerve endings coming to life at the same time. He let out a little gasp as the other boy pressed his lips to his, his mouth moulding against his own.

‘Shut up,’ Harry breathed. ‘Besides, not everybody is as beautiful as you, are they?’

Louis felt Harry press against him as he licked into his mouth, wasting no time, his hands moving from his arms before settling on his hips. Louis felt all thoughts jumble up inside his head because this was happening, and Harry didn’t seem to be relenting anytime soon.

Louis kissed him back with just as much fervour and tasted coffee and mints, his entire body on fire as Harry ran his hands down his chest before slipping under his shirt, gently rubbing circles into Louis’ skin. His tongue curled around the other boy’s and Louis almost sighed into his mouth, his stomach tightening before he broke the kiss, his eyes falling on Harry’s mouth; bruised and even redder than before.

Harry was panting slightly and he looked stunning doing it and Louis wanted to kiss that mouth again, wanted to be the one in control this time. He felt heat pool low in his stomach as Harry let Louis manoeuvre him the way he wanted to but there was something in the younger boy’s eyes, something sad.

Louis smiled softly and cupped his cheek, ‘hey.’ He brushed his lips against his jaw, ‘so beautiful.’

Harry blushed, a sight almost as good as his bruised lips, before Louis dragged his lips down the other boy’s neck, biting down on his skin before sucking on it, eliciting a quiet moan from Harry. He didn’t stop kissing him until the backs of Harry’s legs hit the edge of the bed and then they were falling and laughing and Louis didn’t know the last time he had felt like this.

‘I want you to fuck me,’ Harry said huskily, looking straight into Louis’ eyes.

‘I never have,’ the older boy spoke, his eyes trained on the quilt cover.

‘That’s okay,’ Harry pressed a kiss below his ear, ‘I’ll show you.’

It caused a multitude of shivers to go up Louis’ spine because the thought of it, the thought of Harry keening and beautiful and spread out for him made him incoherent as he nodded his head, mumbling out a ‘yeah’.

Harry straddled Louis’ hips and smiled honestly. There was no teasing, no smirking, nothing like he’d been before. He took off Louis’ shirt and kissed down his chest, his free hand running up and down the other boy’s thigh.

‘Does Eleanor do this?’ Harry asked, trailing a single finger over the seam of Louis’ jeans, sucking a bruise onto his neck.

‘N-no,’ Louis moaned out, squirming under Harry who hummed and ground his hips down, making the other boy gasp harshly.

‘Good,’ Harry smiled, leaning over to grab something from his drawer. He quickly undressed, making Louis marvel at the different inked patterns on his skin. He smirked, ‘I use the money people pay me to fuel my tattoo addiction.’

Harry slid his jeans down his legs and did the same for Louis so that both boys were naked and hard, looking at each other like they’d done this more times than they could count.

‘Do you still want this?’

‘Of course I do,’ Louis replied, pulling him down for a kiss.

The younger boy mumbled something about making Louis feel good before handing the lube to him, ‘it’s easy.’

Louis followed Harry’s careful instructions and slicked his fingers up with lube, gently pressing into Harry, not wanting to hurt him.

‘It’s okay to be nervous,’ the other boy said, running a hand down Louis’ arm.

Louis pressed in harder with one finger until he was knuckle deep and he heard the prettiest moan come out of Harry’s mouth.

‘Oh my god. Louis, fuckfuckfuck.’

He swallowed hard and added another finger, watching Harry squirm and make little keening noises. He crooked his fingers and moved in and out, hearing a harsh gasp, ‘please, Lou. I need, fuck, I need you to fuck me.’

‘Yeah, okay,’ Louis replied nervously, his voice hoarse as he kissed the top of Harry’s head, running a hand through his curls and smiling softly. The other boy looked at him with confused green eyes but welcomed it nonetheless.

Louis didn’t think about Eleanor for the rest of the night.

-

He was dead.

Louis woke up in someone else’s room on someone else’s bed and he tensed because Eleanor was going to kill him. He looked around and realised he was alone, disappointment clouding all thoughts of his girlfriend. He looked to the other side of the bed and picked up a note that was tacked onto the pillow and sighed because Harry.

Sorry for leaving you, I need to work. My roommate’s probably come home by now so be nice :) thanks for the fuck xx

Louis scrunched the note up and checked his phone before widening his eyes in horror. It was past two in the morning and he had twenty seven missed calls from Eleanor and two from Niall. God, he felt like he was on probation; having to check in with others about where he was every single minute of the day.

He picked his clothes up from the floor and put them on, writing Harry a note to return the favour. He didn’t know what possessed him but he quickly scribbled his number down before he could think about it and shut the door to Harry’s bedroom behind him.

‘Hello,’ he heard, making him almost jump out of his skin.

‘Jesus fuck!’ Louis all but yelled, turning around to face whoever it was that made his heart beat faster than a jackhammer.

‘Who are you?’

‘I-I’m Louis. I, er, yeah,’ he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, feeling his cheeks redden.

‘Liam,’ the other boy said. ‘I’m guessing you and Harry,’ he motioned to the door with his hands and raised an eyebrow, watching Louis nod sheepishly. ‘Must be special, he never brings anyone home.’

‘Oh,’ said Louis, feeling awkward as hell.

‘Did you pay him?’ Liam questioned, folding his arms.

‘No, I – he left before I could. Am I supposed to?’

‘If he brought you home and just left then I don’t think so, no. Your lucky day.’

‘Yeah,’ Louis breathed out, eyeing the door. ‘I should go.’

‘Okay, I’ll tell him you said bye,’ Liam smiled, not nastily though. The kind of smile that Zayn would sometimes give him. Knowing.

Louis nodded and left, his heart hammering in his chest. He called Niall immediately and drummed his fingers against his thigh as he waited for him to pick up.

‘Come on, come on..,’ he muttered impatiently.

‘Wha’?’ Niall spoke groggily, he must have been asleep.

‘I fucked up, Ni. I’ve fucked up and done something really stupid and –’

‘Calm down, mate. It’s like five in the morning.’ It wasn’t. It was two.

‘Oh, just give it to Zayn, will you?’ Louis snapped.

‘Alright, alright,’ he heard Niall mutter. There was a pause and then he heard Zayn’s voice.

‘Lou? What’s happened?’

‘I slept with him!’ Louis whispered, running out the building before slowing down as his feet touched the pavement.

‘Who?’ Zayn asked.

‘Harry!’ hissed Louis.

‘Again, who?’

‘The fucking prostitute, Zayn! I fucked him and now I’m in the shit!’ Louis panicked.

‘Oh, shit. Where are you?’

‘Going home.’

‘Is that a wise idea?’

‘I don’t fucking know but I’ve got like fifty fucking missed calls from El and she’s going to be furious because I did the thing I’ve been hating her for almost doing! I’ve fucked up!’

‘Just tell her you’re interested in guys now!’ Zayn chuckled.

‘Zayn!’

‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Look, just go home and pretend it was a uni thing and tell her your phone was switched off.’

‘Yeah, yeah, that might work. Okay, I’m doing that. Pray for me, Zayn.’

‘All the way, mate. Now let me get some fucking sleep.’

Zayn hung up and left a distraught Louis to walk into his flat alone, his heart in his mouth.

‘El?’ he called out, trying to keep his voice from shaking.

‘In here!’ he heard her shout. Why was she making this harder than it had to be? Why was she awake?

He went into the bedroom and found her sitting on the bed with the laptop in her lap, her hair falling over her face as she was typing something furiously. She looked up, ‘where have you been? Trying to reach you.’

‘I know, my phone was off. I was at uni and the performance went over.’

‘Okay,’ she said distractedly. Thank the heavens for Zayn Malik.

‘What are you doing?’

‘Trying to outbid this woman. I want that bag,’ Eleanor pointed at the screen and it made Louis chuckle because Harry was so much different. The two of them were polar opposites.

‘Alright, I’m not going to even ask,’ he hugged her and made a move to leave but she pulled him back.

‘You smell really good,’ she pointed out. What is it?’

Eau d’Harry Styles.

‘Oh, I have no idea. Whatever I find at the boys’ or the bathroom. Probably a mixture,’ Louis said, shrugging to add to the effect.

‘It’s nice, you should keep it,’ Eleanor said, turning her attention back to the screen.

If Louis didn’t feel bad before, he felt absolutely terrible now.

-

When Louis got into bed next to his girlfriend, his mind was elsewhere. He was thinking about dark hair and green eyes and white teeth instead. Louis’ insides sang when the image of him fucking Harry into the mattress nice and slow made itself known, almost engraved on the back of his eyelids. He was beginning to get anxious because he’d left his number for Harry and he knew it was a terrible idea because it made him look needy and he was with Eleanor and he really needed to let her know that it wasn’t working because that ache was still in his chest and Harry hadn’t fucked it out of him yet.

Not that he wanted him to, of course.

He fell asleep and dreamt about gentle green eyes looking into his own.

*

Today was the day.

He was going to break up with her because, and he reasoned with himself, that it was the right thing to do. The two of them weren’t good anymore, they couldn’t be. Hell, a few weeks ago, Eleanor wanted to sleep with someone else and just a few days ago, Louis actually had. That was a sign that something was wrong, surely.

Louis sighed heavily and sat at the table, looking at Eleanor pointedly, ‘we need to, um, talk.’

‘About what?’ she asked happily, literally skipping to the empty chair.

The older boy remained silent which made Eleanor place a hand on his arm, gently rubbing circles into his skin like Harry had. He moved his arm, making her look at him with a confused expression.

‘El..,’ he trailed off, rubbing his eyes and sighing for the second time. ‘It’s not working anymore, babe.’

‘What isn’t?’

‘Us. Everything. I don’t know,’ he finished lamely, hating himself for doing this. Hating her for making him do this.

‘Wait, you’re…dumping me?’ she asked, looking at him incredulously, tears already pooling in her eyes.

‘No, I – look, El,’ he began, taking her hands in his. ‘You’ve been really good to me, alright? But you deserve someone so much better, you deserve someone who doesn’t sleep with prostitutes when they’re angry with you or –’

‘Wh-what?’ she stammered. ‘You slept with a prostitute?’

‘I’m sorry, El. It was a huge mistake and I wish I didn’t and I’m just so sorry,’ Louis spoke sincerely but it didn’t really matter because she didn’t believe him.

She ripped her hands away from his grasp and stood up, anger flaming in her eyes. ‘You cheated on me but gave me shit for thinking about it. You’re a fucking hypocrite, Louis!’

‘I know, okay? I know! But don’t you think that was the problem in the first place? You were all set to go sleep with someone else without even thinking about me. What if Niall wasn’t there? What if you were alone?’ Louis spat, knowing he didn’t have a leg to stand on, not really. He was the one who’d actually gone out of his way to sleep with Harry.

‘Louis, you’re the one that actually did it. You fucked someone else without talking to me about it all first. We could have sorted this out properly but you’ve made things worse!’ Eleanor yelled. The worst thing was that she was right.

‘I know and I’m sorry but we haven’t been working for a long time, babe. We barely see each other in the day and when we do, we don’t even talk. El, we don’t even have sex anymore, that’s how bad it is.’

‘So, this is about sex? Jesus Christ, Louis –’

‘No, it’s not,’ he interrupted. ‘I’m just saying. Things aren’t working anymore.’

‘Who was she?’ Eleanor questioned abruptly.

‘Huh?’

‘The prostitute. Who was she?’

‘I don’t know, El. Just a prostitute!’ Louis answered, definitely not telling her that this she was actually a he. It was his own secret, and he wanted to keep it like that.

‘You’re so…’ she trailed off, scowling. ‘I’ve spent so long with you and I feel so foolish now because it meant nothing.’

‘Don’t you dare say that; you know it meant everything. But things change, people change. We’re not working anymore,’ he repeated.

‘We can work it out, though. There’s always a way, Louis!’

‘Not this time, love. I think we need to go our separate ways.’

Eleanor let a few tears escape and it took everything Louis had to stop himself from going over to her and fixing this because he still loved her. But in a different way.

‘I’ll be back in a few days to pick up my stuff,’ she choked out, wiping her cheeks hastily.

‘Where are you going?’

‘My mum’s. Not that you give a shit.’

She slammed the door shut and left, leaving Louis to feel like hell.

-

‘It’s alright, mate. Have a beer,’ Zayn said, rubbing Louis’ back and smiling sympathetically.

‘It’s not alright. I broke her fucking heart, Zayn,’ Louis whined, groaning as he threw his face into the couch.

‘Louis, maybe that was for the best. You need to think about yourself in this,’ Niall piped up from the kitchen, popping his head around the door.

‘Yeah,’ Louis scoffed, rolling his eyes. ‘Thinking about myself was the problem.’

‘Look, you did a shitty thing and now you’re paying the price. You both made stupid mistakes but get over it and move on,’ Zayn replied, all sympathy gone from his voice.

‘You’ve changed your tune.’

‘Yeah, well I just remembered that you slept with that prostitute so.’

Niall brought in two boxes of pizza from the kitchen and sat down, opening one and digging in.

‘Mate, slow down. You’ve got all night,’ Zayn teased, nothing but love for his friend in his eyes.

‘Exactly,’ Niall spoke around a mouthful of cheese, ‘more food.’

Louis shook his head and fought off a smile with the knowledge that he could always count on his friends to cheer him up. They ate in a comfortable silence before Niall looked at Louis.

‘Who was this prostitute?’

‘Someone I bumped into. I saw him a few weeks ago, gave him my jacket, saw him again and then, yeah. Fucked him,’ Louis replied crassly.

‘Him?’

‘Yes, Niall, it was a boy. I thought Zayn told you,’ the older boy spoke.

‘Hey, no judgments,’ the blonde put his hands up in defence, ‘just saying.’

‘I gave him my number. He didn’t call me back.’

‘Lou, he’s a whore. Of course he’s not going to,’ Zayn said matter-of-factly.

‘Hey!’ Louis narrowed his eyes. ‘He’s not a whore.’

‘Alright, sorry,’ Zayn mumbled an apology because the look on Louis’ face, something sad, made him rethink his words.

‘I’m not saying I’m going to see him again but –’

‘You want to?’ Niall interjected.

‘Yeah,’ Louis admitted, hanging his head.

‘Lou, don’t fall in love with a prostitute. It’s going to end in heartbreak.’

Louis thought about it and he realised that Zayn was right. But everything resulted in heartbreak one way or another.

*

Harry Styles texted Louis a simple ‘hi, thanks for your number’ and it was enough to make the older boy almost giggle into his pillow. Almost.

Louis texted him back saying: ‘it’s cool, just thought it was practical since we see each other so often’. He tacked on a smiley face at the end just to be sure and left it because it wasn’t like he and Harry were friends or anything. It wasn’t like Harry gave him the best orgasm he’d ever had either.

Harry text back almost instantly with a ‘you’re really nice’ and that set Louis off. He didn’t know how to reply and he didn’t know what he meant by that, either. Was he nice because he’d given him his jacket? Nice because he’d fucked him?

He groaned and ran a hand through his hair because he wasn’t ready for this. Eleanor had just left (she hadn’t picked up her stuff yet which meant that every time Louis walked around the flat, he saw her clothes or her bobby pins scattered everywhere, small reminders of how much he’d fucked up)  so even though Harry made his heart beat a little faster, he couldn’t do anything about it. Harry was out of bounds.  So was he.

Louis called his mum instead of replying to Harry because it was easier. One of his sister’s picked the phone up.

‘Hello, Lottie speaking,’ she said in a very professional manner, making Louis beam.

‘Hey, petal! Mum’s got you well-trained, hasn’t she?’

‘Louis!’ she squealed. ‘You haven’t been home for ages! When are you coming back?’

‘I don’t know, darling. But very soon, okay?’ Louis’ chest tightened because he hadn’t seen his family in what felt like ages. It felt like years. ‘Can you put Mum on the phone? Tell the others I said hello.’

‘Bye, Lou,’ and he heard the sad smile in her voice before the ‘stay safe, okay?’ and Louis nearly lost it, the tears pooling in his eyes.

‘Louis?’ he heard his mum’s voice and visibly relaxed, not knowing that he was holding a breath until he heard her.

‘Hi, Mum,’ Louis mumbled, sniffing.

‘Where have you been?! Why haven’t you been answering your texts?’ she grilled, and he could picture her standing there with her hands on her hips.

‘Sorry,’ he said quietly, feeling very, very vulnerable. He knew she noticed. But he also knew her well enough to know that she was waiting for him to say something first.

‘So..,’ his mum began.

‘I broke up with Eleanor.’

‘Oh, Lou…why? I thought you loved her.’

‘I did – I do. Just not like that anymore,’ Louis said, his voice barely above a whisper. He wasn’t going to cry, didn’t have it in him. Besides, he didn’t deserve it because he’d ripped her to shreds.

‘I’m sorry, darling,’ she said sympathetically.

‘No, I’m the one that messed up, to be perfectly honest.’

‘Doesn’t mean that you’re not hurting either. Four years is a long time,’ she replied.

And she was right, it was a long time to be with someone. So why did he feel so over it?

‘Yeah, I guess so,’ Louis said miserably. ‘I better go, don’t want to keep you.’

‘Call me soon, okay? Love you.’

‘Love you, too.’

He hung up and flung himself on his bed, staring at the increasing pile of homework on his desk. He pursed his lips because he might as well do it. Nothing like a drama-addled brain to distract him from the horrible mess he called his life.

*

Come over. x

Louis’ hand hovered in mid-air as he reached for the remote, staring at his phone as if it were a grenade. He wasn’t prepared for this.

Why?

He couldn’t stop himself from sending it and he half-expected Harry to not bother with replying.

So I can see you. xx

If Louis wasn’t flailing before, he certainly was now. He felt like a teenage girl whose crush had texted her first but this was Harry. The Harry that had his jacket and the Harry that had touched him and harryharryharry. God, he couldn’t breathe.

Yeah, alright.

He was over there in less than twenty minutes because he wanted to see him, too. He’d wanted to see him ever since that night and he guessed that Harry’d been one of the main reasons for breaking up with Eleanor.

God, four years just thrown away for stupid green eyes and unpredictability, bastard skinny jeans and even worse hair and –

‘Hey,’ Harry smiled in that gorgeous way.

‘Evening, H,’ Louis nodded without thinking, walking over the threshold with his hands in his pockets. Harry raised an eyebrow but didn’t press.

‘Um, thanks. I don’t usually –’ he gestured to something unknown, ‘yeah.’

Louis gave him a small smile and cocked his head, ‘why did you want to see me?’

‘Oh, no reason. Just wanted to talk. I was bored,’ Harry shrugged.

‘Don’t you have work?’ Louis asked.

‘Later. I also wanted to say sorry for leaving you the other night. Duty calls and all that.’

‘That’s alright,’ the older boy replied, sitting down now. There was too much distance between them and the air was fizzing with anticipation and his stomach was flip flopping.

‘I really liked it, by the way. I loved it,’ Harry flashed his best smile and tilted his head adorably.

‘Good, yeah. Good,’ Louis breathed, clenching his fits to restrain himself.

‘Louis,’ Harry began, drawing his name out, like a low whine.

‘Mhm,’ Louis hummed before he climbed into the other boy’s lap, his hands fisted in his curls and his mouth against his; like he’d known him for years.

He pushed himself up and licked into his mouth and nipped on Harry’s lower lip in a frenzy, his hands everywhere they could possibly get to. The other boy kept up with the pace and smiled against Louis’ lips who pulled away and licked a stripe up Harry’s neck.

‘You’re a bit much,’ Harry managed to breathe as he felt Louis’ teeth graze his pulse point. ‘You alright?’

‘Fantastic,’ Louis replied, grinding down into Harry’s lap.

He just wanted to forget her face for a bit.

He watched Harry’s eyes flutter shut as he threw his head back, his hand snaking around Louis’ waist, blunt nails digging into his hip. The older boy sucked a bruise onto Harry’s neck and marvelled at the moan that ripped through his throat; low and needy.

Harry squeezed Louis’ butt through his jeans as Louis ground his hips down onto the other boy’s erection, his mind going blank as he buried his face in Harry’s neck, their hips finding the perfect rhythm.

‘Haz –’ Louis moaned as he was palmed through his jeans by larger hands than his own.  

‘Is that good?’ Harry asked with completely blown pupils.

He held Louis’ face who moaned a ‘yes’ into his mouth, kissing him hard enough to bruise. He traced his lips with his tongue, biting Louis’ lower lip, feeling it swell up slightly. Louis, his skin ablaze, looked into Harry’s eyes and, with as much courage as he could muster, ground his hips down, his heart beating erratically as he watched Harry mouth a ‘fuck yes’ followed by a filthy moan.

There were slow movements that turned jerky, flushed skin and heat, so much heat. Louis kissed down Harry’s neck and licked at his mouth and curled his tongue around his, and the other boy let him.

‘Fuck, Louis, I’m going to –’ Harry tensed and let out an almost growl, his eyes squeezed shut as he came, dragging Louis down for a wet kiss that made Louis see stars.

Harry gently pushed at Louis to get off him before pecking him on the mouth and getting onto his knees, casually pulling his jeans down, wasting no time and licking a stripe up Louis’ cock from the head to the top.

‘Shit,’ Louis hissed, widening his eyes as he stared at Harry, dumbfounded.

‘You think I’m going to leave you to get off by yourself?’ Harry smirked, taking Louis into his mouth and swirling his tongue around the tip.

Louis threaded his fingers through his hair, spewing a litany of harryharryharryharryas the other boy looked up at him with reddened lips and hollowed cheeks. Harry wrapped a hand around Louis’ cock and stroked it roughly, twisting his wrist just so, making Louis almost choke.

‘Harry, please,’ he keened, ‘please just –’

The younger boy sucked hard and fast and made Louis’ knees almost buckle as his body jerked before going lax, his breathing heavy. Harry stood up and smirked, kissing Louis cheekily on the mouth before telling him that he’d be two minutes.

He emerged from his room (they hadn’t even made it that far and Louis blushed at the desire that had hit him) in a different pair of jeans. Still black but different.

‘You’ve ruined my favourite pair of trousers,’ Harry complained, flopping onto the small sofa before looking at Louis who sat there in a dazed state. ‘God, Lou, anyone would think you’ve never had a blowjob before,’ he rolled his eyes.

‘No, yeah, I –’ Louis stopped talking as he looked at the other boys glinting eyes and his half-arsed smirk. ‘Not like that.’

‘Well, today’s your lucky day Louis…’

‘Tomlinson,’ he replied.

‘Tomlinson. That’s nice. Suits you,’ Harry looked down and fiddled with the silver bangle around his wrist.

‘What is that?’ Louis asked quietly, the mood changing drastically.

‘That’s a story for another time,’ the other boy smiled, almost pitifully, his eyes promising another time. He wasn’t nasty about it.

‘Sorry,’ Louis mumbled, swallowing the lump that had formed in his throat.

‘S’alright,’ Harry nodded, looking at the time on his phone.

‘Do you need me to go? I can –’

‘Not yet. I’ve got someone at twelve, it’s only eight-thirty,’ he showed Louis the screen of his phone and smiled fondly, dropping his head onto the older boy’s lap.

Louis arched an eyebrow at his abruptness but went with it; ran his hands through soft, dark curls that fell through his fingers effortlessly, making Harry sigh with content.

‘Been ages since someone’s done that,’ he breathed out, closing his eyes and getting comfortable.

‘Looks like it’s your lucky day,’ Louis mused.

‘Would seem so, Tommo.’

They did that for a long time, swapping meaningless stories between each other, Harry refusing to talk about anything that was too close to the bone. He talked about his roommate a lot and Louis could understand that because he had reams to say about Niall and Zayn. Harry didn’t talk about what he did for a living or why or anything to do with where he was from. The most that Louis got out of his was that he was from Holmes Chapel in Cheshire. Other than that, nothing.

Louis’ hand was still buried in Harry’s hair and he looked down to see the other boy’s face serene, his eyes closed.

‘You going to sleep, H?’ Louis asked gently.

‘Like that you call me H. S’nice.’ Harry said, his eyes still shut as he breathed evenly.

Louis had his hand directly over Harry’s heart (he’d been tracing the sparrow tattoos and his hand had just stayed there) and he could feel the faint thud-thud-thud that made him feel oddly warm inside. The warmth spread through his body and he smiled fondly at Harry who didn’t have the faintest idea. Louis was glad of that, he thought.

‘Which do you prefer? Haz, H or Hazza?’ Louis grinned, watching Harry peek out of one eye.

‘All of them. They’re all not Harry,’ and he pulled a face of mock-disgust.

‘I like the name Harry. Louis sounds like a gay Frenchman,’ he chuckled.

‘Some gay men called Louis are attractive,’ Harry spoke, not making a move to sit up. Instead, he put his hand over Louis’ and rubbed circles into it with his thumb.

Louis scoffed, ‘name one.’

‘Louie Spence,’ he said seriously.

‘You think he’s attractive?’

‘Well, no but –’

‘Doesn’t count, then. Also, his name’s spelt differently.’

Harry audibly hmmphed before closing his eyes again, moving Louis’ hand from his chest to his hair, the corners of his lips turning upwards ever so slightly.

-

Liam came home just before Harry had to go to work and he saw the younger boy’s head in Louis’ lap.

‘Oh, Louis, right?’ He looked at him and arched an eyebrow with an expression that told Louis we’ll talk later. He nudged Harry’s leg and smiled down at him.

‘Liam!’ Harry beamed, getting up and giving his friend a hug.

‘Someone’s excited,’ Liam mused, ruffling his hair.

‘Missed you is all,’ Harry shrugged. He turned to Louis, ‘looks like I need to go. See you soon?’

‘Yeah, yeah, sure,’ Louis nodded whilst managing a smile. Liam noticed.

‘Alright, then,’ the younger boy beamed, leaning over to kiss Louis’ cheek, his eyes softening as he pulled away. ‘Bye!’

Harry left and Liam turned his full attention to Louis who bit his lower lip, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly.

‘Harry’s a good kid, you know,’ Liam spoke thoughtfully. ‘But he’s a kid. And I saw your face before he left. I know you don’t like what he does either.’

‘No, I –’ Louis hadn’t really given it much thought but the more he dwelled on it, the more he realised that no, he didn’t like it. But it wasn’t like he was attached to him or anything, they’d only seen each other properly twice. ‘It’s awful.’

‘I know. And I told him that he doesn’t need to do it but he doesn’t listen to me. Tells me it’s some stupid repentance or something.’

‘For what?’

Liam shook his head, ‘I can’t say.’

Louis understood and he couldn’t help but feel sorry for Harry because it meant that he was punishing himself. He was sure that whatever he’d done in the past couldn’t be so bad that he had to sell himself so other people could use him and humiliate him and hurt him.

‘Is he okay? I mean, sometimes he gets this look in his eye like he’d rather be anywhere than where he is,’ Louis cleared his throat and looked up at Liam who smiled sadly.

‘He hasn’t been alright for a long time. You’ve just met him and you can see it, can’t you?’ Louis nodded. ‘God knows how long it took him to trust me. Stick around. I think he’ll let you.’

The older boy blew out a sigh and said ‘I don’t think I can do anything for him. I mean, it feels like I’ve wasted four years of my life –’

‘Harry told me about the girlfriend. Are you two still..?’

‘No, not anymore. I’m not into the whole polygamy thing,’ Louis explained, and it dawned on him that he’d just implied that he wanted a relationship with Harry. His cheeks reddened as he looked at Liam.

‘Louis, just don’t…just don’t hurt him. I don’t want to have to pick up the pieces again,’ Liam spoke quietly, picking at a loos thread on his jumper.

Louis didn’t reply, he didn’t think he had it in him. All he heard was again and it made him wonder what could have been so bad that Harry had to resort to whoring himself out every goddamn day.

*

Harry and Louis had a routine going on.

Louis had university on Mondays, Tuesdays and Fridays which meant that he spent the remainder of his weekdays fucking Harry whilst his Saturdays were spent with Zayn and Niall (he had quit his job a few weeks ago) and his Sundays were his but they all started to blur together and it became an endless cycle of just harryharryharry. His friends were getting worried.

‘Louis…’ Zayn began, looking down at his phone and tapping away incessantly.

‘Yes…’ Louis mimicked, arching an eyebrow in curiosity.

‘You and Harry…why haven’t we met him?’ Zayn questioned, finally meeting his friend’s eyes.

‘I didn’t know you were interested.’

‘Oh, shut up, it’s an unwritten rule that we meet our mate’s girlfriends and boyfriends or, whatever.’

‘He’s not my boyfriend! We’re just –’

‘Sleeping together?’ Niall piped up, tilting his head.

Louis dropped his head, ‘yeah. Besides, it’s complicated.’

‘Do you pay him?’ Niall asked cheekily.

‘No, I don’t. If I did, I’d be bankrupt,’ Louis chuckled.

‘Mate, is this good for you? I mean, he’s not exactly earning an ‘honest’ living but like, are you alright?’ Zayn spoke affectionately.

Louis thought about it and remembered the bruises on Harry’s body that he didn’t make, the scratches down his back that couldn’t be his (his fingernails weren’t long enough), the hickeys on his collarbones that were too fucking big.

‘I’m fine,’ he lied.

‘Like hell you are,’ Niall scoffed, shaking his head. ‘You’ve been acting funny ever since you’ve been sleeping with the kid. It’s not healthy,’ he drawled out.

‘Probably not but I could do worse. I could be like you two,’ Louis teased, ruffling Zayn’s hair’ knowing that he hated that.

‘Fuck off!’ his friend said, batting at his hands.

‘There’s nothing wrong with us, we’re doing alright. We’re worried about you.’

‘Don’t be, guys. Appreciated but there’s no need,’ the older boy shrugged, standing up and reading the text he’d just received.

It read: Lou-Lou, come over. I’m dying.

Louis smiled and replied: And why’s that, love?

Because you’re not here.

The words made Louis’ heart involuntarily flutter but he wasn’t supposed to read too much into things so he turned to Zayn and Niall and said, ‘gotta go, boys.’

‘Stay safe, okay? I worry!’ Zayn called out as the older boy reached for the door.

‘I will, try not to get too drunk!’

Louis made it to Harry’s in good time and found that the door was already open. He found the younger boy sprawled out on the sofa with an arm thrown over his face, unbeknownst to him that Louis had come in.  He tiptoed around the couch as noiselessly as he could manage and pressed a kiss to Harry’s temple.

‘Lou,’ he sighed, turning his head slightly to look at him.

‘Hi.’

‘You’re eyes are really blue, have I ever said that?’ Harry questioned, looking into them intensely.

‘I don’t think so,’ Louis replied, feeling his face heat up.

‘You’re blushing,’ the other boy stated, tracing a finger along his cheekbones.

‘Am not!’ Louis retorted.

‘Are too,’ Harry spoke softly.

‘Move your fat arse over,’ the older boy teased, flopping onto the sofa as soon as Harry swung his legs over to the front.

‘Want a cuppa?’ Harry asked. ‘Liam bought Earl Grey but it tastes like shit.’

Louis shook his head before the younger boy just shrugged and folded his long legs underneath him, pulling Louis down so that his head rested on his thigh.

‘Fond of this, aren’t you?’

‘A lot,’ Harry grinned.

‘Are you okay?’ Louis questioned, trying to keep all judgment out of his voice.

‘Why do you ask?’

‘No reason.’

‘I’m doing fine.’

‘How’s the bruise on your hip?’ Louis felt Harry tense and the hand that was running through his hair stopped momentarily.

‘Fine,’ Harry gritted out.

‘Just asking,’ the older boy mused.

Harry scoffed, ‘I live with Liam, Lou, it’s never just asking. It’s going to turn into some bloody conversation that starts with ‘don’t you hate your job, Harry?’ and then ‘why do you do it?’ and right now, I don’t want to talk about it.’

‘But H –’

‘Please,’ Harry interjected, his green eyes pleading, ‘please, don’t.’

‘I – okay. I’m sorry.’

Louis backed down and let Harry snake a hand down his jeans and then, everything was forgotten.

-

It got really bad on the second Wednesday of January. The rain was coming down in sheets and Louis was waiting for Harry outside his flat. Liam was at work (his days off from the pub he worked at were Mondays and Thursdays which meant that he couldn’t let him in this time). He’d expected the usual text from Harry but it never came so he’d resorted to sitting on the cold floor, just waiting.

It was quarter-past three in the afternoon when he heard the familiar tap-tap-tap of black boots on the tiled floor. He stood up and his eyes widened, his stomach tightened and his chest felt like it was about to explode.

Harry, his Harry (whether either boy liked it or not) was dripping wet from the rain, his hair plastered to his face and his jeans stuck to his legs. His lip was bleeding and a bruise was already starting to form on his jaw. There was a tear in his shirt (his favourite fitted black shirt that was the most expensive item of clothing he owned) and his eyes. God, his eyes.

‘Harry, oh my, god, I –’ Louis placed his hands on his shoulders and almost sobbed; he looked that broken. ‘What did he do to you, babe?’

The younger boy stood there, motionless, his hands balled into fists by his sides. He didn’t look into Louis’ eyes, couldn’t bear it. He blinked a few times but said nothing, like he couldn’t talk.

Louis reached into the pocket of Harry’s jeans and fished out a set of keys, opening the door swiftly. ‘It’s okay, love. It’s going to be fine, you’re okay,’ he kept repeating.

Harry sat down rigidly, making Louis’ heart beat fast because this wasn’t him. This wasn’t the boy he’d grown to care for; he looked so, so shattered.

‘Haz, please, talk to me,’ Louis said soothingly, his hand shaking as he placed it over Harry’s.

No movement.

‘Please, love. I’m here, okay? H…’

Harry turned his head slowly, his lips quivering and his eyes filling up with tears. His head fell into the crook of Louis’ neck as he broke down, hot tears spilling out of his eyes. His hands clutched the back of Louis’ t-shirt as he sobbed; his entire body trembling.

‘I’ve got you, love, it’s okay,’ Louis breathed out, ‘I’ve got you.’

The sobs that escaped Harry shook Louis to the core – they were terrible, terrible sounds.

‘So scared, Lou,’ Harry managed to say, his voice hoarse and cracked. ‘I was so scared.’

‘I know, baby. I know, I’m so sorry,’ Louis soothed, pressing kisses into Harry’s dampened hair, repeating the words like a mantra.

When his sobs turned into quiet whimpers, Louis pushed his hair back and smiled down at him. ‘I think we should get you cleaned up, love.’

Harry nodded soundlessly as he wiped his eyes and he looked so gorgeous, standing up and making his way to the bathroom. Louis followed and found the other boy sitting on the edge of the bathtub, his shoulders slumped and his head in his hands.

‘Come on, H,’ Louis said softly, peeling his shirt off him. ‘Oh, fuck.’

His ribs were mottled with bruises – dark and ugly against pale skin – and it took everything Louis had not to find whoever did this to him and kill him.  

‘It’ll be alright, love,’ Louis promised, running a washcloth under warm water and dabbing at Harry’s lip, kneeling on the floor and holding his head up carefully. ‘I think we need to get you to a hospital.’

‘No,’ Harry said firmly. ‘Had worse.’

‘What, worse than this?’ And there was fear in Louis’ eyes.

‘Yeah, ages ago,’ his voice was lifeless and not his own and Louis was prepared to do anything to get Harry back because he was scared. He had the fleeting thought that Harry’s current state would be permanent because how do you come back from this? It was like he’d had the life knocked out of him.

Louis cleaned the blood off and looked up at Harry, ‘is there, um, anything else?’

‘No more blood, no. He only decked me in the face.’

‘What do you need me to do?’ Louis asked, his hands cupping Harry’s face, managing a watery smile.

‘Well, not cry for starters,’ Harry’s lips curved upwards before he winced at the sudden pain. ‘You can go, like, if you want or whatever.’

‘I’m not leaving you like this!’ Louis raised his voice, almost scandalised.

‘I don’t want you to –’

‘You should change first. And then, I’m calling Liam,’ Louis took charge and glanced at Harry, ‘then, I’m ordering pizza. I know you’ve got Love Actually on DVD.’

‘Not mine, Liam’s,’ Harry mumbled.

‘Whatever you say, babe.’

Harry got up carefully and took his phone out to give to Louis who dialled Liam’s number instantly, waiting for him to pick up.

‘Harry?’

‘It’s Louis.’

‘Is he alright? What’s happened?’ And Louis could hear the panic rise in Liam’s voice because he just knew and something like this had happened before and Louis was just so naïve.

‘He’s hurt, Liam. I’m with him now and he’s just getting changed.’

‘Shit,’ Liam cursed under his breath. ‘But you’re with him, right?’

‘Yeah, yeah, not going anywhere. Don’t worry, he’s not alone.’

‘Jesus Christ, okay. Thanks for letting me know,’ Liam said before hanging up.

Louis turned to Harry who was wearing a simple white t-shirt that practically hung off him and a pair of grey sweatpants.

‘Better?’ Harry said, seeking the other boy’s approval.

Louis nodded and walked over to him in two strides; wrapping his arms around Harry’s neck, pulling him closer. Harry breathed out and snaked his arms around the older boy’s waist, nuzzling his neck.

‘Hi,’ Louis murmured.

‘Hey,’ Harry’s voice was muffled, hot against Louis’ skin.

‘You okay?’

‘Yeah.’

They stood like that for a while with Louis’ hands trailing up and down Harry’s back and he could feel small puffs of breath on his neck.

‘Pizza,’ Louis spoke, pulling out of the embrace. ‘I’m hungry.’

‘Alright, then. Come on,’ Harry extended his hand and glanced up at Louis with red-rimmed eyes.

The older boy laced his fingers through his and tugged him towards the sofa before ordering two large pizzas. Harry popped Love Actually into the DVD player and sat back with a sigh, wincing ever so slightly.

‘That your ribs?’ Louis asked quietly.

‘Mhm,’ the younger boy hummed, cuddling up to Louis and throwing an arm around his waist.

It seems to me that love is everywhere.

Louis had one eye on the film and the other on Harry, who, unknowingly, mouthed along to whoever was on the screen at the time.

‘Jesus, H, how many times have you watched this?’

‘A lot. It was literally the only thing we had when our Sky box had a spaz attack,’ Harry said, smiling fondly at the memory.

The doorbell rang and just as Louis got up to answer it, Harry groaned a ‘but you’re so warm, Lou, leave it.’

‘Do you want to starve, Harry Styles?’ Louis asked pointedly, putting one hand on his hip while the other balanced the pizza boxes which, subsequently, the other boy was eyeing.

‘No…’

‘Well, then.’

He placed the boxes on the table and opened them, not realising that he’d been so hungry. They ate in silence, watching the film and occasionally laughing. Louis saw that Harry seemed to be somewhere else, faraway almost, and he nudged his leg.

‘Hey, you okay, Haz?’

‘Yeah, sorry. Did you say something?’ Harry blinked in a daze, his eyebrows furrowed as he turned to Louis.

‘Just checking.’

Louis tidied up after they’d finished eating because Harry was too sore. He kissed Louis on the mouth briefly to say thank you.

‘I think I’m in love with Hugh Grant,’ he mused, smiling almost dreamily at the screen.

‘You’re a loser, he’s like fifty.’

‘Fifty-three, actually,’ Harry grinned, winking at Louis.

‘That’s ancient,’ Louis laughed.

‘I like older men.’

The air was charged with tension and both boys stopped and it seemed that Harry knew what Louis was going to ask before he opened his mouth.

‘Was he Hugh Grant’s age, then? The man who did this to you?’ His voice was small and his fingers brushed the underside of Harry’s wrist.

‘Probably younger,’ Harry shrugged noncommittally.

‘Oh,’ was all Louis said.

They turned their attention back to the screen before Harry sighed and paused it, turning around to face Louis.

‘He’s a client, like, a regular, and usually, he pays for,’ the younger boy eyed Louis carefully, ‘his usual and he did but this time, he wanted something else. I told him he’d have to pay extra and he sort of just lost it. Kept saying how I should just do it because that was my job and that I should be grateful for his money or something.’

‘Harry, that’s…that’s awful,’ Louis voiced, smoothing his curls away from his forehead.

‘He made me feel really filthy, you know. Like, I was nothing and he’s right because I’m not and I should have given him what he wanted – I provoked him, I think – and in a way, I, like, deserved this,’ Harry mumbled, his eyes solemn and his mouth pulled down into a self-deprecating frown.

‘Nobody deserves to get the shit kicked out of them, love. He was a dickhead and you. You are not nothing. It’d do you good to remember that you’re made out of, like, outer space or something.’

‘And where did you get that from?’ Harry cracked a smile.

‘Well, it’s how we’re made. Like our body’s matter are made from like hydrogen and stuff and that’s, like, what stars are made out of so yes. Stars,’ Louis said shyly.

‘You’re weird, Tommo.’

‘Maybe, but you like it,’ he said cheekily.

‘Can’t really argue with that,’ Harry spoke and again, don’t read too much into it.

‘Are you going to still see him?’ Louis questioned casually.

‘Lou, he pays me really well…’                                                                                              

‘I don’t care, H. He hurt you really bad.’

‘You don’t get it, though.’

‘That’s not the point. It’d be insane to go back to him!’ Louis raised his voice as he watched Harry’s eyes darken.

‘You don’t know why I do this. You have no idea what it’s like,’ he spat. ‘To watch your –’

Harry shut his mouth.

‘What?’

‘Forget it,’ he sighed. ‘Doesn’t matter. Let’s just watch the rest of the film.’

‘Harry –’

‘Lou, please. It’s nothing.’

Louis nodded unconvincingly and soon enough, the credits were rolling and he stood up to put his shoes on just as Harry yawned.

‘You better get some sleep, don’t want you dropping off in the day,’ he smiled softly, thumbing Harry’s lower lip.

‘Louis,’ Harry began, peeking up at him shyly, ‘stay.’

‘What?’

‘It’s better when you’re here,’ the other boy answered, as if what they were doing was the most normal thing in the world. Like they’d known each other past just sex.

‘Are you sure you want me?’ Louis asked, shuffling closer to Harry who gazed up at him with a bruised face but still so beautiful. The question came out more loaded than intended but Harry nodded wholeheartedly.

‘Yeah.’

Both boys were standing in Harry’s bedroom awkwardly, and Louis smiled as he rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.

‘Is Harry Styles speechless for once? I mean, ask him to give you a handjob and he’ll jump at the chance but anything else and he’s awkward as fuck,’ Louis rambled, smiling coyly.

‘Shut up,’ Harry muttered, pulling Louis closer by tugging on his belt loops. He brushed his lips along Louis’ jaw, ‘thank you.’

‘What for?’

‘Cleaning me up after…’

‘It was my pleasure. Not that I ever want to see you like that again.’

‘You won’t,’ Harry replied, pressing a kiss to his temple before yawning. ‘I’m tired.’

He stripped to his boxers and Louis followed suit before crawling under the covers, all of it feeling too intimate for him. Too much.

Harry pulled him closer and Louis let him, put his head on the younger boy’s chest and sighed, because it never felt like this with Eleanor. He felt safe. Harry was nice.

‘They should clear up soon,’ Harry broke the silence, his voice sleepy.

‘What?’

‘Bruises and stuff. Don’t worry or anything.’

‘Who told you I was?’ Louis asked wryly.

‘S’nice to have someone care,’ Harry yawned.

‘You have Liam,’ Louis pointed out, tracing the butterfly tattoo on Harry’s chest.

‘No, yeah, he’s so good to me. I mean, you know, someone who, like, cares.’

Louis hummed, inspecting the rest of Harry’s tattoos. ‘I like them.’

‘Like yours, too.’

Those were the last words Louis heard as he dropped off on Harry’s chest, warmth enveloping him as he felt strong hands around his waist and a heartbeat similar to his own.

*

Louis felt a leg kick him and then a too loud ‘shit!’ before a ‘fuck, I’m so sorry.’

‘H…wha’ time is it?’ Louis asked into the pillow. It smelled of Harry’s shampoo. Coconut.

‘After seven,’ Harry replied, his voice thick with sleep.

Louis rolled onto his back and turned his head, watching Harry sleepily. ‘Come to bed, it’s too early,’ he yawned.

‘I can’t, I have to go.’

‘Where?’ Louis asked grumpily.

‘Shop.’

‘Why?’

‘I’ve run out of fags,’ Harry explained.

‘One, shops aren’t open, and two, I’ve never even seen you smoke,’ Louis replied, reaching out and grabbing Harry’s wrist before pulling him towards him. ‘If you come sleep with me, I’ll buy you a thousand packets, you can smoke yourself to death.’

Harry laughed and it was a beautiful sound to hear in the morning; throaty and wonderful and so Harry. ‘You win, but I’m holding you to that, Tomlinson.’

‘You can hold me against anything,’ Louis said tiredly, nuzzling the crook of Harry’s neck.

‘You are such a pervert,’ Harry chuckled, caressing Louis’ inner thigh.

‘You’re the one with a hard-on,’ Louis said with his eyes closed, his hand tracing the waistband of Harry’s boxers.

‘I –’

‘Go to sleep and shut up.’

-

Louis woke up at around ten o’clock to the smell of coffee. He yawned sleepily and saw that Harry was dressed with a packet of cigarettes in one hand, a mug of something steaming in the other.

‘They’ll kill you, you know,’ Louis spoke roughly.

‘Tea or coffee?’ Harry flashed him a white, toothy smile and handed him the mug of tea that he’d been holding before being asked.

‘You been watching me sleep, Styles?’ Louis said around the rim of the mug.

‘Course not,’ he smirked.

‘I don’t believe you,’ Louis spoke, only half-bemused. ‘Where’s Liam?’

‘Sleeping,’ Harry replied. ‘He came to check on me last night.’

Louis looked at the purple bruises on the younger boy’s face and frowned, ‘are you working today?’

‘No, Liam told me not to,’ Harry spoke quietly, fiddling with the box.

‘Good.’

‘You’ve got me all to yourself,’ he said with a hopeful smile.

‘Seems like it,’ Louis replied nonchalantly, sipping his tea.

‘Thought you’d be more pleased,’ Harry laughed.

‘I need to go home, though. Also, you should meet my mates,’ Louis said casually.

‘Zayn and…’

‘Niall, yeah. They want to meet you for some odd reason,’ he looked up at Harry, leaning over to kiss his cheek. ‘Is that okay?’

‘Oh, um,’ he bit his lip nervously. ‘I guess, like, yeah. If you want me to,’ he hesitated.

‘I do, I think you’ll like them. Liam can come too, eases some of the pressure off you.’

‘Great, let’s do it, then,’ Harry agreed. ‘You should get out of bed. And shower. Go shower.’

He almost pushed Louis out of bed and slapped his butt, his hands on his back as he steered him towards the bathroom.

‘Oi, I can walk perfectly fine, thank you very much. What are you – Oh!’ He felt Harry’s hand delve under the waistband of his boxers and he blushed furiously, quickening his steps to the bathroom.

Harry pushed him inside the small bathroom and locked the door with a click, undoing the button on his jeans before he grinned wolfishly at Louis.

‘Get in.’

-

‘What if they don’t like me?’ Harry lamented as all three boys walked to Niall’s and Zayn’s.

‘They’d have to be pretty stupid not to,’ Liam glanced at Louis, ‘no offence.’

‘None taken, and exactly. Trust me, they’ll love you.’

Harry took a drag of his cigarette and tilted his head up, blowing it out above him. ‘They won’t.’

‘Hazza, shut up. Please,’ said Louis, rolling his eyes. ‘We’re here.’

Louis opened the door with the key that had been made especially for him and grinned as he saw Zayn sprawled out on the couch.

‘Hey!’

‘Oh, you’re here, great. Niall! Louis and his boyf –’ Louis glared at him while Harry blushed crimson.

‘Fuck off, Malik. This is Liam,’ he gestured. ‘Harry’s mate.’

‘’Ello,’ Zayn spoke, moving so that all of them could sit down. He eyed Liam curiously who smiled gently back at him. ‘Nice to meet ya’ and all.’

Niall walked into the room, staring at his phone and almost bumping into the doorframe. ‘Mate, this girl’s just texted me a picture of her –’

He looked at the unfamiliar faces in his living and reddened slightly, ‘hey.’

Liam was the first to laugh, ‘hiya, mate. Liam.’

‘Harry.’

‘M’Niall,’ he greeted, moving to sit on the armchair (they’d bought it as a car boot sale and it was probably older than Niall himself but on most days, when he wasn’t working, he’d be glued to the thing).

Harry sat on the sofa next to Liam who was in the middle and had to put up with Zayn’s fidgeting but that was just the way it was. Louis sat on the floor in between Harry’s legs and curled his hands round his ankles, tilting his head so that it rested on the other boy’s knee.

‘What do you guys do, then?’ Liam broke the silence and looked at Zayn for a little longer than he looked at Niall. Louis noticed and suppressed a smirk.

‘I’m a mechanic,’ Zayn answered, ‘and Niall here, does nothing.’

‘I work in Nando’s, which is not nothing. Free chicken is essential to my survival,’ Niall defended.

‘I’m joking, Ni,’ Zayn rolled his eyes. ‘What about you?’

‘Work in a pub. The one not too far from here, actually. Four Feathers?’

‘I think we’ve been there, like, once?’ Niall replied, glancing at Louis.

‘Maybe, but we’ve probably been too drunk to remember.’

That evoked a ‘been there-done that’ laugh from everyone before the subject was quickly changed to funny stories about each other which embarrassed Niall more than anything else.

Louis looked up at Harry, who’d been quite quiet all afternoon, and mouthed ‘are you alright?’ while poking his toes through his shoes.

Harry nodded and gave him his best smile, ‘yeah.’

‘…Harry?’ Zayn spoke.

He blinked twice, ‘sorry, what?’

‘Do you want to go to Nando’s, Niall’s promised us a discount,’ Zayn asked, grinning.

‘Oh, yeah, sure.’

Louis smiled up at him before he got up, threading his fingers in the spaces between Harry’s, as they walked out the front door, all five boys together.

‘Can we be arsed for a taxi?’ Zayn questioned.

‘Not really, it’s not far to walk,’ Liam piped up.

‘Sorted, then,’ Zayn spoke, clapping him on the back.

Niall, Liam and Zayn walked in front as Harry and Louis hung back a bit, swinging their hands back and forth.

‘They’re nice,’ Harry grinned, watching their hands.

‘Liam’s getting on well. Did you see the way him and Zayn were looking at each other?’ Louis giggled, feeling like a schoolgirl.

‘I thought I was the only one!’ Harry exclaimed, beaming.

‘We’ll have to keep an eye on them.’

They descended into a comfortable silence and it wasn’t until all five boys were fighting over the menus that Louis glanced at Harry and really, really wanted him to stay.

-

Harry and Liam fit in perfectly. Throughout the night, Liam cracked jokes that everybody seemed to get and Harry became raucous; leaning his head on Niall’s shoulder as laughter bubbled out of him. Zayn has his feet in Liam’s lap, who didn’t seem to mind at all, and he was laughing at something that had been said. They’d moved to Louis’ flat and the subject had moved from childhoods to singing.

‘Louis can sing,’ Niall pointed out, nudging Harry’s head.

‘You never told me,’ he said, eyeing Louis curiously.

‘Well, Niall can sing, too,’ Louis retorted. ‘And Zayn. Even though he doesn’t think he can.’

‘Shut up, I’m shit,’ Zayn scowled.

‘Give over,’ Louis rolled his eyes. ‘Liam looks like a good singer.’

‘Can hold a tune but…’

‘Do you sing, Haz?’ Zayn asked, grinning. ‘Everybody else seems to be able to.’

‘I don’t know, only the walls of the bathroom have heard me.’

‘We should sing!’ Niall cheered, literally glowing.

‘What, oh god, no. Please don’t make us do this,’ Zayn groaned, throwing a hand over his face.

‘Why not? It’ll be great!’

‘No, it’ll be terrible.’

‘Don’t be a tosser. Anyone know The Verdant Braes of Skreen?’ Niall asked hopefully.

‘What the hell’s that?’ Liam laughed.

‘One of his bastard Irish songs. God, when he first moved in, he wouldn’t stop singing them. Do you remember, Lou?’

‘Remember? It’s engraved into my head,’ Louis laughed just as Niall pouted.

‘Aw,’ Harry cooed, pinching the Irish’s cheeks.

Liam yawned and checked the time, ‘I’ve got to get up at a disgustingly early time tomorrow. Need to wait for the delivery at work. We should do this again, I think.’

There was a chorus of enthused agreements and Liam grinned.

‘We should go too, it’s getting late,’ Niall announced, grabbing Zayn up by the hand.

Liam turned to Harry, ‘you coming?’

Louis smiled sheepishly and wanted to tell him stay.

‘No…I don’t, I don’t think so,’ Harry said, glancing at Louis. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow.’

‘Give you a ring, mate?’ Zayn clapped Louis on the back who nodded.

‘See you all soon!’

The three boys left and Harry stood up, coming behind Louis and hugging him, pulling him close to his chest. ‘They’re really nice,’ he murmured.

His lips brushed over Louis’ pulse point, making Louis shiver as something hot spiked in his veins. Harry bit down on his skin and grinned, burying his face in his neck.

‘You’re really hot, it’s not fair,’ Louis complained, followed by an all-encompassing yawn.

‘And you’re tired.’

Louis shrugged but made no effort to move, he was too warm. He had this boy latched onto him and he was all dark and caring and strange and he didn’t want to move.

Harry put his hands on the back of Louis’ knees and lifted him up, carrying over the threshold to Louis’ bedroom which was, thankfully, solely his. Louis shrieked and widened his eyes, ‘warning!’

‘Spontaneity is a good thing,’ Harry grinned, throwing him on the bed. ‘Now, where’s the bathroom?’

‘There,’ Louis groaned, pointing to the door on his left. ‘There’s a spare toothbrush under the sink.’

‘Two minutes,’ Harry promised, disappearing behind the door.

God, Louis didn’t know he was so tired.

‘Have you found it?’

‘Yeah!’

Louis nodded and sunk into the bed, curled up in the foetus position as he exhaled, Harry’s name drumming a tattoo in his head. He should have it inked.

No, he shouldn’t.

The other boy emerged from the bathroom and flung his clothes on the back of the chair, turning to face Louis and doing a little dance.

‘You’re a loser,’ Louis yawned.

‘M’not. I’m funny,’ Harry said, appearing to be very hurt.

He climbed onto the bed with those very long legs of his and stretched out like a cat, watching Louis trace the contours of his body; the juts and sharp bones. Louis looked at him properly, trying to absorb all of him in case he ever went away and he looked into eyes that were like emeralds or fresh grass or something and smiled, wondering what he was thinking. Wondering if he’d ever find out.

‘What?’ Harry asked softly, carding a hand through Louis’ hair. It was getting long, Louis thought. Reached lower down his neck now.

‘Nothing, just thinking.’

‘About?’

‘Why you’re here. Why you stayed.’ Louis said just as quietly, feeling his cheeks tinge.

‘Because.’

‘Because is not an answer,’ he huffed out.

‘I don’t know, it’s nice with you. Safe,’ Harry shrugged like it was casual, something to shrug off; it made Louis’ heart sing.

‘We’ve not known each other long,’ Louis said, taking his clothes off and getting into bed so they were both on the same level. Bare.

‘I know, a few weeks.’

‘You don’t know anything about me,’ Louis mused.

‘Yes, I do,’ Harry turned to him indignantly. ‘You like slow music and you call people ‘love’ a lot. You drink tea instead of coffee and your favourite colour is red.’

‘I don’t mean that sort of –’ Harry held up a finger.

‘You miss your sisters a lot and you worry about me. You want to make people feel better all the time, that’s why you’re becoming a drama therapist. You miss Eleanor, I can see it in your eyes, but not in that way, you miss having someone. Miss being called ‘baby’ and stuff. Like, you have this look in your eyes when you’re thinking about something really hard and you want to take care of people and you hate what I do.’

‘Oh,’ was all Louis said. ‘Well, then.’

Harry flashed him a smile that said I told you so and Louis’ heart was fluttering all because of this stupid boy.

-

None of it mattered.

Even though Harry seemed to know more about Louis than he ever thought, he still left that night. It was two in the morning and as he shrugged his clothes on and despite his efforts of trying to keep quiet, Louis woke up because the warmth from his side has disappeared.

'Harry?' Louis murmured sleepily, looking up at the boy in black.

'I need to go,' he whispered.

'Where?' And Louis wished he'd never asked.

'Work.'

'What? H, it's too late, come back to bed,' Louis pleaded, fully awake as he eyed him suspiciously. 'You said you weren't going to go.'

'I got a call, I can't say no. Look, there's no point in trying to get me to stay, I'm going,' Harry replied, his voice too harsh and it stung. Louis immediately backed off.

'Fine,' he muttered, falling back onto the pillow as Harry shut the door quietly, not even bothering to say goodbye.

-

It was like that for a long time and Louis had no idea why he thought any of it was real. They weren't a real couple, weren't like him and Eleanor.

Harry would steal off in the middle of the night when they were sleeping together and he wouldn't come back until a few hours later, wincing as he crawled back into bed. Always smelling of someone else's cheap cologne, always feeling so alien.

Louis didn't bother with asking him because he knew what he'd let himself in for. It didn't help with the ache in his chest though. It made him want to reach inside himself and dig the pain out, throw it away so that it wouldn't bother him anymore.

Harry was oblivious, carried on like everything was fine; almost like he wasn't walking to his death when he got into cars with strange men or when he met them in seedy bars and hotels. Louis guessed that for him, it was normal.

He'd been speaking to Liam a lot and was grateful that there was someone who understood. He told him that he'd tried to stage an intervention one day but it went tits up and resulted in Harry not coming home for three days. Louis didn't want that. He voiced his grievances to Liam who listened and nodded sympathetically and he'd grown to like him, even if he was constantly texting Zayn.

Louis was on a break from university so he spent a lot more time with Harry. He'd noticed small things. Like, how Harry seemed so be more distant now, how he didn't pay much attention anymore. His mind was elsewhere and as they say watching some shitty programme on television, Louis decided to say something.

'Harry, are we okay?'

'Yeah, why?' Harry said slowly, furrowing his eyebrows; that crease in between them becoming stupidly adorable. He looked like a child.

'No reason,' Louis replied. God, they didn't even sit as close as they used to. Too busy with their own thoughts than each other.

'Sure,' Harry scoffed.

'Um, that's that supposed to mean?'

'It means that you obviously have something to say,' he said accusingly.

'No, I –’

'Look, I don't need this right now.'

Harry got up abruptly and reached the door in two strides.

'Where are you going?' Louis sighed, putting a hand on Harry's arm.

'If you're going to be all moody I'm going home.'

'I'm not!'

Louis wasn't the type to beg.

'Call you later.'

But he never did.

-

It had been two days until Harry came round again, moulded himself against the curve of Louis' spine and muttered a litany of apologies onto his skin as he let the older boy fuck him.

It was rushed and it was angry and it was guilty but it was also the best sex they'd ever had and Louis made a mental note to get Harry angry again. He turned to the boy and smiled and thought that maybe getting him angry wouldn't be such a good idea.

Harry didn't give an explanation of why he left, they just carried on like normal. Well, as normal as it could be. The distance was still there. He didn't know how to fix it but he knew better than to ask. The last time he did he was worried out of his mind that Harry had left him. He didn't want to make things worse.

'I need to go. Work,' Harry explained.

'Alright,' Louis said, crestfallen as he chewed on his bottom lip. It had just gone midnight.

'See you later, babe,' and Louis tensed at the endearment.

'Okay.'

'Um, are you okay?' Harry asked, so naïve, so oblivious.

'Yeah yeah, you go.' Louis managed a smile and kissed Harry's forehead who looked at him quizzically but left, nonetheless.

Louis thought that that was the first time he cried about Harry Styles.

*

'Zayn, I don't think I can do this anymore.'

'What?'

'This whole thing with Harry. I don't know...' Louis trailed off into a sigh and watched Zayn light his cigarette with the flick of his wrist.

‘You're in love with him.'

'Wh-what?' Louis stuttered. 'No, I'm not. We hardly know each other.'

'You don't have to know someone's inside leg measurement and their first childhood memory to fall in love with them.'

And Louis tilted his head and just stared at Zayn because sometimes, he would come out with these profound words that would make the Dalai Lama want to sit down. He shrugged and took a drag of his cigarette, smoke curling out of his nostrils.

'You're in love with him,' he stated as casually as one would state the weather.

'How do you know?' Louis quizzed, folding his arms in inquisition.

'The way you are with him,' Zayn replied.

'You've only seen us together once,’ Louis pointed out. Zayn had really brown eyes and he thought that he could drown in them. He wanted something to happen to him because he was not having this conversation.

'And that's all I needed to know that you love him. I think you loved him when you first saw him,’ Zayn said wisely, making Louis stop and stare at him.

He wasn’t right, he had no idea what was going on in Louis’ head when he first saw him; bruised and dark and sad and no, he didn’t love him. He didn’t love him when he gave him his jacket and he certainly didn’t love him when he fucked him for the first time. He didn’t love him now.

So why was the extra toothbrush out in Louis’ bathroom and why did he stock his fridge up with Harry’s favourite beer and why did he occasionally buy him his Marlboros even if he hated smoking?

He didn’t love him at all. He was just a stupid boy with wild hair and thin shirts that barely covered his tattoos and incredibly skinny jeans and long legs and gorgeous eyes and an even more beautiful mind and god, he loved him.

*

It was the first Saturday of March and Louis had his head buried in a book, his fingers drumming an imaginary tune on his leg as his eyes scanned over the words and his feet draped over the back of the sofa. He heard the door unlock behind him (he’d given Harry a key a few weeks ago so that he didn’t have to wait for him whenever he was at university and Liam gave Louis one just in case a repeat of The Incident happened again) and his eyes followed Harry as he went to sit at the table, the white shirt he wore hanging low and the muscles in his back taut.

‘Harry,’ Louis murmured, not taking his eyes off the page. He probably should have, he figured.

There was no answer so he shut the book grudgingly (sticking his bookmark in because Louis Tomlinson did not dog-ear his books) and walked over to Harry, poking him in the stomach before his hands fell on his shoulders.

‘You alright?’ Louis leant down and his breath caressed the shell of Harry’s ear, making him look up and nod with wide eyes; trying to suppress a shiver that ran up his spine.

‘Yeah, yeah, fine. Had a, um, good day?’ Something was off with him.

‘Your eyes are red,’ Louis noticed. ‘You’ve been crying.’

‘What? No, I’m fine,’ but he sniffed and his eyes were puffy and Louis knew.

‘Haz, what is it?’ He sat down and took the younger boy’s hand, gently squeezing it.

‘Nothing, I promise,’ Harry said, giving Louis a watery and unconvincing smile.

‘You can tell me anything, love.’

‘I know, I just, like, yeah,’ he mumbled unhelpfully, his eyes downcast before Louis put his hand on Harry’s thigh, urging him to carry on.

‘I…’ Harry locked his gaze onto Louis whose skin prickled at the openness of his stare.

There was a charged spark in the air and Louis knew what was going to happen before it did. He watched Harry run his tongue over his lower lip as he unfolded himself from the chair gracefully before literally hauling Louis up and pushing him into the nearest wall.

He placed one hand on Louis’ cheek and the other gripped his hip, no green left in his eyes as he wedged his knee in between Louis’ legs.

‘Louis,’ Harry breathed, almost sighing his name onto his lips.

Louis licked his lips and stared at Harry, his heart beating too fast as he swallowed hard, watching as the other boy’s eyes were trained on his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down. He wasn’t scared, he knew Harry’d never hurt him.

The younger boy brushed his lips over Louis’ before pulling back, pressing his forehead against Louis’ and breathing softly, their air mingling as the older boy reached up and fisted dark curls.

‘What do you want?’ Louis asked roughly.

‘I want –’ Harry dropped his head before exhaling, looking back up at him, his eyes shining. ‘I want to fuck you.’

‘Wh-what?’ Louis swallowed, threading his fingers through Harry’s; all anger and brusqueness dissipating quickly.

‘Please, Lou. I want to, like, I need to be in control, right now. Please,’ green eyes pleaded.

‘Yeah, yeah, alright,’ Louis nodded, not questioning anything; his hands settling on Harry’s chest.

The younger boy surged forward and took Louis by the mouth, his hands falling just short of the waistband of Louis’ jeans, licking into his mouth with intent, nipping at his lower lip and just taking.

-

Harry was sat on the edge of the bed with his hands curled up into fists. Louis wrapped his arms around the other boy’s naked torso and relaxed against him, pressing fleeting kisses on the back of his neck.

‘Why did you want that?’ Louis asked quietly, trailing his hands up and down Harry’s arms.

‘Louis, don’t,’ Harry said firmly, not even looking at him; looking at the carpet instead. ‘Don’t touch me.’

Louis immediately recoiled because his words stung and he felt something terrible travel through his bloodstream. He sat back and waited for Harry to say something, make it better but nothing happened. Harry didn’t say a word.

‘Haz – Harry,’ Louis corrected, his voice small and lost. He ran a hand through his hair and swallowed around the words he wanted to say, chewing on his bottom lip.

Harry’s entire body began to shake and his hands came up to cover his face; the bed dipping as he sunk into it. He began to cry and Louis rushed to him instantly, kneeling on the floor as he took the younger boy in his arms, wrapping him up in safety wordlessly. He alternated from rubbing Harry’s back and running a comforting hand through his hair, trying his best to calm him down.

It was a good few minutes before Harry’s sobs turned into whimpering and he withdrew himself and slumped against the bed, his tear-stained face looking anywhere but at Louis. Louis didn’t let go of him entirely and held onto his wrist, the one with the silver bracelet on it.

‘I’m sorry,’ Harry murmured, wiping his nose with the back of his hand.

‘It’s okay, honest,’ Louis replied, equally as quiet.

‘My mum died four years ago today. I was fifteen. Watched her go crazy. Watched her die,’ Harry spoke brokenly, not meeting Louis’ eyes.

‘Fuck,’ he said, crawling over to Harry and gripping his chin before making him look at him. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘I couldn’t do anything about it, couldn’t even stop her from,’ Harry swallowed hard and his face crumpled, ‘killing herself.’

Louis listened tentatively, his heart constricting as he noticed the shadows under Harry’s eyes, the dullness in his eyes. Now he knew why he was always so sad, why Liam never said anything about it. Where would he have started?

‘M’sorry if I was rough with you. I just wanted some control for once.’

Louis could have cried.

‘Don’t apologise, love. S’okay,’ Louis’ lips fell against Harry’s collarbone. ‘It’s okay.’

‘I’ve not told anyone that apart from Liam. He asked once and I just told him. We moved in together a little after that. He was sound,’ shrugged Harry.

Louis didn’t know what to say. He felt like if let go of Harry, he’d lose him forever. He’d float away into madness.

‘It wasn’t your fault, you know.’

‘I know. But I did nothing to stop it. I moved out after her funeral and came here, to Manchester. I haven’t seen Gemma for years. Got her name tattooed as though that makes things better,’ Harry scoffed, pointing to the Hebrew on his arm.

Louis’ fingers traced over it gently, kissing his shoulder and sighing. ‘Liam said you do what you do because you’re punishing yourself.’

Louis expected him to get angry but he just tilted his head and said, ‘he told you that?’

‘Yeah but he didn’t go into detail or anything. Figured you’d tell me when you were, like, ready or something.’

Harry nodded soundlessly before clearing his throat and looking at the ceiling. Louis thought he couldn’t look him in the eye.

‘It was late, like really late, and I was just sort of wondering around because I didn’t have anywhere to go. This was when I’d left Holmes Chapel. Someone mistook me for a, a prostitute, said he’d give me whatever was in his pocket if I’d get them off and like, I did. And I thought: what was the worst that could happen, y’know?’ Harry fidgeted and brought his knees up to his chest, like it physically pained him to voice all of that.

‘Yeah,’ Louis said softly.

‘Been doing it for four years and sometimes I feel like I deserve it because I remember her face and how I just didn’t stop her. Her arsehole of a husband just up and left and I should have told someone how bad it was and Gemma was just out all the time and I –’

His voice cracked at the end and his eyes shone with unshed tears; his eyebrows furrowed in determination, not wanting to cry in front of Louis again.

‘It wasn’t your fault, H. You were fifteen. You should’ve been out with your mates, not,’ Louis hesitated, ‘not selling yourself on the streets because you felt responsible. It wasn’t your fault.’

‘But Louis, she was my mum.’

‘Exactly. She was meant to protect you, not the other way round,’ Louis said firmly, squeezing Harry’s hand before kissing each of his knuckles.

‘Can I tell you something?’ the younger boy questioned, his voice smaller than usual. Like he was a little fish in a big pond.

‘Anything.’

‘When I first saw you, I thought you were going to hurt me. Thought you were like everybody else who’s ever bought me. But, like, you turned into this fucking, this fucking enigma and I just can’t stop.’

Louis’ heart was singing, ‘stop what?’

‘All this,’ he motioned around the room. ‘I wanted it to stop, I didn’t want this to happen, like, I can’t give you what you want. What you need. I’m just a whore, you know? Used. Why would you want that?’

‘Harry –’

‘That’s why I tried to put some distance between us but I just couldn’t keep it up, I thought I was dying. You’re just too, yeah.’

Green met blue and Harry’s eyes crinkled, his face softening as Louis gazed at him in awe.

‘Harry,’ he repeated, running a hand through his hair. He was flying.

‘I know,’ the younger boy grinned, his expression looking out of place when paired with his watery green eyes.

‘You’re not a whore, H,’ Louis said seriously, looking at him earnestly.

‘Yeah, yeah,’ Harry waved off.

‘No, I’m being serious. You. Are. Not. A. Whore,’ he kissed him in between each word before smoothing a hand down Harry’s face and smiling softly.

‘You’re so dramatic,’ the younger boy rolled his eyes.

Louis stood up and twirled with a hand on his hip, ‘have you just realised?’

Harry laughed (and it was still beautiful) and pulled Louis down so that his head was in his lap as he started to absentmindedly run his fingers through Louis’ hair.

‘Are we not sleeping today, then?’

‘Sitting on the floor is much more comfortable,’ Harry teased just as Louis stood up and pulled him to his feet.

‘Get up, you big lump.’

They both collapsed into the bed and laughed carelessly with Harry pressing kisses onto his forehead and on the tip of his nose and the corner of his mouth and Louis couldn’t breathe because green eyes were staring back at him and…oh.

‘Hi,’ Louis said shyly.

Harry chuckled, ‘hi yourself.’

Louis’ stomach flip-flopped as Harry pinned his arms above him, brushing his lips across his jawline.

‘You know,’ he began, ‘you’ve got damp in the corner.’

‘What?’ Louis almost laughed, breaking the stare as he craned his head to look up.

‘Yeah, you should get that checked out,’ Harry bent his head and sucked a bruise onto Louis’ neck, making him yelp.

‘You tosser, get off me!’ Louis laughed, pushing the other boy off and getting into bed; watching Harry stretch out, reminding him of a cat.

His long legs tangled with Louis and he grinned, sighing dramatically as he sunk into the bed, his eyes trained on the ceiling.

‘Are you going anywhere tonight?’ Louis yawned.

‘No, I’m not. I’ll be here when you wake up. Promise,’ Harry kissed him softly. ‘You’re beautiful.’

Louis preened and buried his face in Harry’s torso, cuddling up to him and closing his eyes.

‘Love you,’ he murmured sleepily, exhaling quietly before dreaming of the boy he was wrapped around.

If he wasn’t hazy with sleep, he would have noticed that Harry tensed up and didn’t go to sleep until the early morning.

-

Like Harry had promised, he was asleep next to Louis when he awoke; feeling truly relaxed for the first time in a long time. He didn’t wake him up, looked at him instead. His dark lashes fanned out onto his pale skin and his lips were pulled back into a slight frown.

Louis traced his thumb along Harry’s lower lip and sighed because he was just beautiful. He watched as his eyelids fluttered to reveal green and his smiled widened.

‘Hey,’ he breathed.

‘Hi,’ Harry said hoarsely, his hands winding around Louis’ waist to pull him closer.

Louis didn’t know why he’d asked it but he said, ‘are you working today?’

‘Depends. Why?’

‘No, just asking. Wanted to go out, maybe. See the boys. Want to cheer you up,’ Louis offered as an explanation. Really, he just didn’t want Harry to be anyone else’s that night.

‘I’ll have to see. I should phone Liam, though,’ Harry mused, sitting upright and letting Louis go, running a hand down his face as he sighed heavily.

‘You alright?’

‘Yeah, yeah,’ Harry waved off. ‘Just thinking.’

‘About what?’

He didn’t miss a beat. ‘Everything…nothing…everything.’

‘Haz…’

‘What?’

‘Nothing, doesn’t matter,’ Louis scooted over to Harry and put his head on his shoulder.

‘I just feel bare. Like, I’ve told you the deep stuff and like, it feels weird or something, I don’t know,’ Harry replied, falling back onto the pillow with a sigh, taking Louis with him.

‘I get it.’

‘No you don’t, your life’s perfect…’ Harry muttered quietly, too quiet to be heard.

‘What?’ Louis looked up at him.

‘I said your life’s perfect.’

‘You believe that?’ Louis said incredulously, his voice wavering a little.

‘No, I…I don’t know.’

‘Harry, no. My life is not perfect. Yeah, I don’t have to do what you do but still. You don’t have the monopoly on bad lives.’

The younger boy scoffed, ‘whatever. You haven’t had to do anything you didn’t want to do. You’re so…’

‘What?’ Louis growled. ‘What am I?’

‘You’re so naïve and everything is so nice for you and you go dishing out love to anyone who, like, sleeps with you and just, you’re so naïve.’ Harry was pulling his jeans on as his voice rose and the words scorched Louis’ very core.

‘Then, what the fuck are you doing here?’ Louis spat venom, his eyes trained on Harry as he watched him put his boots on.

‘Fuck, this was a mistake. I’m going, please don’t call me.’

And then the door slammed and Louis was confused because how did it turn so fucking sour? How did it turn from being perfect to being so broken?

He wiped at his eyes and just stared into space for a while because he was still reeling from what had happened. He wanted to tell him to come back but he was too stubborn. Harry was too stubborn.

He was gone.

And Louis felt this huge gaping hole inside him because he loved him. God, he’s in love with a prostitute and he doesn’t care if it’s all one big cliché because he’s in love with him and he’s gone.

Don’t call me just repeated in his head like a broken record and he still didn’t know what had happened. Harry had overreacted, that he knew.

He got out of bed and showered in a daze before deciding that he should probably call Zayn. He’d know what to do.

‘Zayn?’

‘What’s up, mate? You alright?’

It was creepy, the way Zayn just knew things. Louis was sure he had a sixth sense. ‘Yeah, I just…’

‘Mate,’ he said sympathetically. ‘Want me to come over?’

‘Yeah, yeah, okay,’ Louis sniffed. ‘Would help.’

‘Be there in a few, hold tight.’

It was only ten minutes later that Zayn let himself in and pulled Louis in for a warm hug. He was panting a bit. Must have ran.

‘Z, he’s gone,’ Louis muttered into Zayn’s neck, gripping onto his best friend.

‘It’s alright, Lou. Come on,’ he coaxed him onto the sofa and smiled softly. ‘What happened?’

‘I think it was an argument. He was alright last night, told me more about himself and, like, he was fine. But then he accused me of having a perfect life and stuff and he called me naïve and then he just went.’

Louis was close to tears because it was Harry and he’d gone and suddenly, the air around him seemed too thick and he couldn’t really breathe.

‘Hey, hey, hey, don’t,’ Zayn held onto Louis while he sniffled and cried a bit. Louis felt a bit lame but it was Harry.

‘Zayn, I love him,’ he managed to say.

‘I know, mate. It’ll be alright. Call him.’

‘Told me not to.’

‘You really gonna stick to that?’

‘No.’

‘Go on, then,’ Zayn handed him his phone and Louis took it reluctantly.

He dialled his number and when it started to ring, his heart picked up a bit. But it rang for a long time and went straight to voicemail.

‘Voicemail,’ Louis said, his face crestfallen.

‘Don’t stop trying, Lou. Don’t give up on him, you deserve someone.’

‘Thanks,’ he mumbled.

Zayn stayed with him for an hour before he left, giving him a big hug before going home so he could get ready for work. Louis didn’t get into bed because the sheets smelled of Harry and the word mistake made him feel shit.

It wasn’t a mistake, he was sure of it. Harry made him feel safe and warm and happy and god, he’d screwed up.

He called him five more times and five more times he heard his voicemail so he decided to wallow in his self-pity because honestly, he couldn’t do much else.

-

Harry hadn’t called him and it had been three days and Louis felt like he was going to die.

‘He hates me. He’s left me and he hates me,’ Louis announced as he flopped onto the sofa at Niall and Zayn’s.

‘Forever the drama queen,’ Niall rolled his eyes. ‘Go and see him.’

‘I can’t. He hates me,’ Louis threw his arms in the air as he whined, face planting into Niall’s lap.

‘He doesn’t, he’s in love with you. Just see him and he’ll fall into your arms and then you can be the Richard Gere to his Julia Roberts.’

‘Shut up, Ni,’ Louis’ voice was muffled by Niall’s sweats.

But Louis decided to do just that so he knocked on the door to Harry’s flat on a Thursday afternoon and Liam opened the door.

He looked hostile.

‘He doesn’t want to see you, he also said that you should stop calling him and that he’s sorry,’ Liam said dryly. He had his arms crossed and he kept looking behind him. Harry was inside.

‘Liam, I-I don’t know what I’ve done but I need to talk to him. I feel like I’ve lost him and he was my –’ Louis dropped his head. ‘Tell him that I’m sorry and that he should come back home.’

Liam’s face softened at the edges and he sighed in resignation. ‘I’ve tried, Lou but he’s barely talking or sleeping. Just out all the time. I’m sorry.’

Louis nodded and walked back to his flat with his hands in his pockets.

Harry didn’t want to see him.

*

Louis wondered what he’d done wrong. It had been four days and he felt a bit empty, like he was going to collapse at any moment because there just wasn’t enough air. He called Harry so many times but he just didn’t pick up. Louis didn’t leave any messages, didn’t trust his voice to not break under all that weight.

‘Come out with us,’ Zayn said while giving Louis a look as if to say you have no choice.

‘I don’t know, Z…’

‘Look, I know you love him and I know he’s ‘the one’ and everything but come on, Lou. You need to stop being so miserable. I mean, it’ll work out.’

Louis sighed and grumbled, ‘fine, but I don’t want to have to drag your arse back home because you get too drunk.’

‘You have my word,’ Zayn put his hand over his heart and bowed, making Louis roll his eyes.

‘I’ll meet you at yours, then.’

Zayn left Louis who sat on the sofa with his head in his hands. He just wanted to speak to Harry, understand what he’d done so wrong to make him walk out like that. He was stupidly in love with this boy who was the most complicated person he’d ever met in his whole life. He felt as though he’d had the wind knocked out of him and he didn’t know how long he’d be able to keep this act up.

Louis called Harry again, dialled his number and waited to be ignored.

‘Hello?’

His face paled.

‘Harry?’ Louis breathed, getting to his feet.

‘No, this is…’ someone giggled on the other line and he felt his heart break. ‘Nick. I’m Nick.’

‘Nick, okay,’ Louis swallowed hard and ran a hand down his face. Betrayal was betrayal whatever its form.

He hung the phone up and ran into the bathroom, dry heaving over the sink. His heart was like a jackhammer inside his chest and that fucking giggle kept replaying in his head.

How could he?

Louis was going out tonight and he was going to have a great fucking time because nobody cheats on Louis Tomlinson and gets away with it.

*

‘Louis, slow down, mate. You’re neckin’ ‘em down,’ Niall warned, putting a hand on his shoulder.

‘Leave him, he needs this,’ Zayn replied, downing his own drink.

He didn’t pay attention to either of them as another shot found its way down his throat. He was trying to block out the harryharryharry drumming against his skull.

‘Z, he’s a terrible drunk,’ Niall whispered, frowning.

‘I know, shall we stop him?’ Zayn asked.

‘Yeah, come on.’

Louis turned around and looked at them both square in the eye.

‘He’s fucking someone else, mate. The best thing you can do, as friends, is let me have this. Because honestly, it hurts,’ he breathed hard as the two boys just stare at him, pity on their faces.

They gave each other a look and their shoulders dropped in resignation. They weren’t going to fight him on this.

Louis carried on drinking and he didn’t notice the way Zayn and Niall kept speaking in hushed tones, the way they shot him worried glances every so often. He paid them no attention because there was only one thing on the forefront of his mind.

What goes around, comes around.

*

Surprisingly, he wasn’t that drunk. He could still walk in a straight line and could still speak in coherent sentences which made him wonder who Zayn paid to replace his shots with water.

‘You two are shit,’ Louis remarked, scowling at both of them.

‘I didn’t want to haul your arse back home the same way you didn’t want to do mine. Alcohol doesn’t solve anything, you’ll only remember in the morning,’ Zayn replied smartly, slapping Louis on the back.

‘Whatever,’ he mumbled. ‘Let’s just go home.’

Niall walked with his hand in Zayn’s and Louis narrowed his eyes but said nothing. He didn’t need that conversation on top of everything else. They rounded a corner and god, he was so stupid.

They stopped in their tracks because it was stupid, fucking Harry draped across two guys. Two guys who looked rough and mean and he didn’t look like he was having fun. He looked like he was so sad and all Louis wanted to do was just go get him.

‘Harry…’ he said brokenly.

‘Lou, come on. Leave him, let’s go home.’

‘Niall, I can’t. They’re going to hurt him, I can’t just – ’

Harry’s eyes locked onto Louis and his expression changed. Hardened. He made a show of latching onto the men more provocatively and Louis couldn’t understand why.

He fucking loved him.

‘Louis, he isn’t worth it. He’s a bastard, come on.’

He felt Zayn pull him away and he goes because he’s not able to look at the other boy any longer. Hated the thought of someone touching him, detested the thought of him touching someone else.

Louis found himself on the couch of his best friends’ flat, face down and crying his eyes out. Harry was an idiot, he was awful, he was his.

‘Lou…’ Zayn soothed, running a hand through his hair. It only reminds him of Harry.

‘Why doesn’t he want me?’

‘Oh, darling,’ he felt Zayn drop a kiss to the back of his head. ‘He’s complicated, you knew that. Maybe this is for the best.’

‘What, that he leaves me on my own while he’s out there being happy?’ Louis sat up and leant on Zayn’s chest before Niall flopped down in the space next to him.

‘Does he look happy to you?’

‘He looked just as miserable as you do,’ Niall frowned. ‘He doesn’t like what he does.’

‘But he doesn’t need saving either,’ Zayn pointed out.

‘I don’t want to save him, I just want him to let me be with him, to tell me what he’s thinking and not go off in a huff all the time.’

‘You need to go get him,’ Niall shrugged.

‘And how do I do that?’ Louis scowled, wiping his eyes.

‘Talk to him, make him listen.’

‘Easier said,’ he scoffed.

‘Sleep on it, though. Stay here, go out in the morning, don’t move until he comes out,’ Zayn advised.

‘Yeah, okay. Fuck,’ Louis sighed, running a hand through his hair.

It didn’t help, though. People were still touching Harry, his Harry.

He had to do something because right now, it all felt a bit like dying.

*

Louis took a breath to steady himself before approaching the front door, knocking on it three times fast. He swallowed and waited for an answer. He’d been here before and it gave him this stupid topsy-turvy feeling in his stomach.

‘Louis, fucking hell!’ It was Liam. ‘He’s not here, okay?’

‘Really? Or did he just tell you to say that?’ Louis challenged.

Liam’s face softened a little, ‘I’m sorry, alright? I’m just trying to do right by him.’

‘I know you are, but I want to do the same, I want to talk to him and I’m not going to leave until I do, so,’ Louis shrugged and sat on the ground with his back to the door.

‘Shit,’ he heard Liam mutter. ‘Right, okay.’

The door shut closed and Louis’ left to sit outside on his own. He tried to come up with something to say to Harry if he ever showed his face but the truth was, Louis didn’t plan past that point.

He didn’t know what he was going to say. He thought he should apologise or something but he didn’t know what he was sorry for. Sorry for being too hasty? Too needy? He didn’t know.

An hour had passed and Harry was nowhere to be seen. He tried calling him but there wasn’t an answer. He felt like he was drowning and he had to go. He got up to leave but he heard the door open and he turned around and it was him.

Neither of them spoke, just stared. Harry looked rough, like he wasn’t okay; he looked the way Louis felt.

‘Harry,’ Louis finally said, breathing everything into his name. ‘Harry.’

‘I was watching you and I couldn’t let you go. I had to see you,’ he admitted, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.

‘You’ve seen me,’ Louis said quietly, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. He was never good in these situations.

‘I don’t know what to say, Lou. I want to say sorry, I want to scream at you for making me feel like this, I want to fucking kiss you, I don’t know,’ Harry sighed, watching Louis eye the distance between them.

‘Tell me why you went, why you said those terrible things. That’s all I want.’ Liar.

‘Because I’m a runner. I run when things get too much and I did it again. Went back to what I knew, I guess,’ Harry shrugged sadly. ‘Remember that bracelet I had you looking for? The silver one.’

‘Yeah,’ Louis nodded.

‘It’s the last thing my mum gave to me. I guess I just take the fly thing too literally and I do, just always, run.’

‘I know, but why?’ Louis insisted.

‘Because you told me you loved me.’

He stopped and his head snapped up. ‘No, I didn’t.’

‘Yeah, you did. You were falling asleep, you probably don’t remember.’

Louis didn’t but it stung and he felt that feeling again.

‘You left because I said I loved you. Well, guess what, Harry Styles, I fucking love you. So, sue me,’ Louis spat.

‘Louis…’

‘Don’t you dare,’ he hissed, suddenly feeling anger rise inside him. All of it from those past few days where Harry wasn’t holding him. ‘I’m not saying sorry for loving you, I’m not doing that. I don’t care that you run, you have no idea what it’s like to be in love with someone you can’t have. It’s making me feel so bad, Harry. It’s like you promised me everything but you keep on going away, you keep letting other people hurt you, I can’t cope with it. I just want you so much, H.’

‘Lou…’ Harry closed the distance between them and dropped his forehead against Louis’, held onto his hips and pulled him into him. ‘I do know what it’s like to be in love with someone you can’t have. I don’t want you waking up one day wanting to want someone else. If I cut my losses now, I won’t have to deal with you leaving me.’

‘You think that of me? That I’m going to do that? I’m not a hook-up,’ Louis breathed. ‘I really love you.’

‘I know and I don’t know what to do with that.’

‘Why not?’ Louis questioned timidly.

‘Because nobody’s loved me the way you do before and it’s scary. You had Eleanor and she loved you but I’ve never had that,’ Harry’s voice neared a whisper, like he was a child.

‘You’re going to back out of something because you’ve never felt like that before?’

‘No,’ Harry dropped his head. ‘I didn’t mean that. I just meant that it’s hard coming out of the life I’ve had into something so normal, like love.’

‘Love isn’t normal,’ Louis chuckled.

‘Yeah,’ Harry mumbled.

‘I just want to be with you, I can’t seem to sleep without you. I’ve been so miserable.’

‘So have I,’ he said.

‘You still went out and…’

‘No, I didn’t. I didn’t do anything, I couldn’t, I kept wanting them to be you. But they weren’t.’

‘Who’s Nick?’ Louis asked.

‘A friend, we didn’t do anything. He was drunk and picked up my phone. Liam wouldn’t have let me do anything, anyway.’ Harry pulled back to look at Louis whose face softened.

‘Where are we going?’ Louis spoke softly.

‘Anywhere you want.’

‘I want you.’

‘Even though I’m emotionally stunted and used to suck dicks for a living?’ Harry gave a watery chuckle.

‘Used to?’

‘I should hang up my furry handcuffs, I think. I’ve got a really good thing and I don’t want to ruin it.’

‘For me?’ Louis asked, his arms winding around Harry’s waist.

‘You’re my boy,’ Harry said, placing a kiss on the corner of Louis’ mouth. ‘I know that now. And I love you.’

You’re my boy.

You’re my boy.

You’re my boy.

His heart hammered in his chest because this was it. This was the beginning of what Louis had wanted since he first laid eyes on Harry.

‘God, I love you, too,’ Louis reached up to press his lips against Harry’s who pulled him closer and wound his arms around his neck. ‘I love you.’

Harry pulled away and smiled sheepishly, ‘I’m sorry.’

‘You should be. You didn’t return my calls.’

‘I know, I was scared. I thought I could avoid you and not feel anything.’

‘Did it work?’

‘No, I felt everything.’

‘Good,’ Louis nodded.

He wrapped his arms around Harry’s waist and breathed him in, feeling all of him all at once. Harry buried his face in Louis’ hair and they held each other knowing that they were okay.

And Louis finally felt like he was home.  

**Author's Note:**

> what a whirlwind, i'm exhausted.


End file.
